PORTLAND, OR – Justin Beaver, the beaver born with the face of Justin Beiber, was found today in a stream bed outside Portland.
This beaver is not to be confused with Justin Beiber, the sixteen-year-old Canadian pop sensation that drives young girls wild. It’s easy to see why some people get confused. Justin Beaver is a half-beaver/half-boy animal that went missing from his fungus-covered log in a pond in Penticton, British Columbia two weeks ago. His face looks eerily similar to that of Justin Beiber. The Canadian Animal Control have been working overtime to find him and take him back to the sap-filled log he escaped from.
A fifteen-year-old Portland girl, Kayla Riggs, actually found Justin Beaver two weeks ago, but wanted to keep him forever as a pet. “I love Justin and I don’t want any other girls getting their slimy little hands on him. He’s my beaver!” But when Kayla realized she had the wrong Justin locked in the cage under her canopy bed, she wept. “I knew it wasn’t him. He couldn’t sing to save his life!” She tossed him out her bedroom window and watched him run off into the woods.
A senior research scientist with the Willamette River System said Justin Beaver is a freshwater beaver and that Kayla could have seriously harmed him by keeping him in her room so long. “She would have been better off putting Justin Beiber in a cage under her bed. That would have done a lot of good for Portland, the country and the world.”
Justin Beaver is a North American rodent, but claims that Justin Beiber is also a rodent have not been substantiated. Both Justin’s are national treasures of Canada. Justin Beaver is Canada’s national animal. He is 22 inches long, has a 10 inch tail and weighs 100 pounds. Justin Beiber is a Canadian pop superstar. He is 50 inches tall, weighs 95 pounds and has 2 inch tail. Canadian Animal Control advises citizens to stay away from both “The Beav” and “The Beibs.”
When asked how in the world a beaver could be born with a sixteen-year-old boy face, biologist Trent Janjiggian said, “Beavers have been known to sneak into homes late at night. And when that happens, anything is possible.”
If you find any beaver (or Beiber) negatively affecting your home or business please contact Weekly World News. We have professional Beaver (and Beiber) trappers available to help you rid them from your life. Remember, these animals may cause damage to your home or damage to your brain.
Justin Beiber will be performing at the Rose Garden in Portland on July 14th at 7pm. Justin Beaver will be in attendance. Then it’s back to his Canadian log for good.