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JUDGE THROWS TARBALLS AT LOHAN


LOS ANGELES -  Judge Marsha Revel threw tarballs at Lindsay Lohan’s while sentencing her to jail.L.A. Superior Court Judge was so angered by Lohan’s disregard for the law that while sentencing her to 90 days behind bars she threw tarballs at her.   “I wish I had feathers to go with that tar,”  said the irate judge.

The “Mean Girls” star is headed to jail for violating her probation on a pair of 2007 DUI busts.  Judge Revel branded Lohan a serial liar as she hurled tarballs at her face and neck.  Lohan, overcome with emotion, was stunned by the Judge’s bizarre behavior (and her strong arm).

Lohan made a final teary-eyed plea for freedom as she attempted to pull the tarballs out of her blonde mane and mentioned the charity work she’s done with Moroccan children.  She wanted to prove that she’s a good person.  But several Moroccan children appeared in court and asked Judge Revel  to keep Lohan far away from Morocco.  They wanted to throw tarballs at Lohan too, but the Judge overruled their request.  “This is MY courtroom.  This is My tar.”

Judge Revel sentenced Lohan to three consecutive 30-day sentences – three times what prosecutors were seeking – to be followed by rehab and a trip to the Gulf of Mexico to clean up the beaches.   “Lilo is a nasty girl,”  said Revel.  “No more excuses.”  And with that the judge reared back and fired a final tarball at Lohan – a direct hit to Lohan’s forehead.  Lohan was knocked out.

When asked later why she was throwing tarballs in the courtroom, Judge Revel said that she had just returned from Louisiana and was horrified by the ecological calamity.  She brought back several tarballs to show her co-workers and had not intention of hurling them in court, but Lohan so angered her that she just started throwing.  “It felt good.  The Louisiana coastline is a disaster for this country and so is Lindsay Lohan.  I’ve recommended that she be tarballed every day while in jail.”

Court officials seemed unconcerned with Judge Revel’s behavior, and actually enjoyed watching Lohan get pelted.  Michael Lohan stood up to complain about Revel”s assault on his daughter, but the judge picked up another  tarball and said,  “Shut your pie hole, or you’ll get some of this, too.”

A scout for the Los Angeles Dodgers was in the courtroom and said that he thought the Judge had great accuracy in her throws and was planning on talking to her about a possible career change.  Meanwhile, Lohan was carried out of court by the L.A. Hazmat Team.