GOD THROWING ASTEROIDS AT EARTH

NASA has just detected a swarm of 16 asteroids hurtling towards Earth this week. After investigating the swarm, NASA has announced that God was throwing asteroids at Earth. They did not know what the reason was for God’s actions, but they are confident it was him (or her).

These asteroids will start slamming into Earth starting Tuesday the 8th and should continue until Saturday, the 12th. Many of the asteroids seem to be directed toward Washington, D.C. in the United States, though some seem to be aimed at the Ukraine, Russia and for some reason Switzerland.

NASA tells WWN that the impact of the asteroids could wipe out much of Washington D.C. “if they hit their target,” said Scott Janjigian of NASA. “But by reviewing past asteroid throws by God toward Earth, his aim isn’t so good. God is probably 1 out of 100 in shots on Earth.”

Right now the first asteroid, Adamadola, is 00378 astronomical units or roughly 351,000 miles away from Washington D.C., which is just slightly greater than the distance between the Earth and the Moon.

Some of the asteroids are larger than the Great Pyramid of Giza in Egypt. Others are ten times the size of the White House – another potential target of God’s Asteroids.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

NASA told WWN that the Hubble Telescope has clear pictures of the Hand of God holding 16 asteroids and ready to chuck them at Earth. “The Hubble has captured some amazing pictures before, but this one is clear as a bell,” said Janjigian. WWN asked to see the pictures, but NASA is not authorized to release them to the public. “We don’t want people on Earth to see what the Hand of God looks like, it could have some strong ramifications for life on our planet.”

So what can we do about the asteroids being thrown our way? Janjigian said that we should just go about our daily lives. “If you live in Washington, D.C. and it actually makes an impact, you won’t know what hit you. Just go out, have some ice cream and have a few laughs before you go.”

Luckily, WWN is headquartered in Los Angeles. Thank God. We will keep reporting on this breaking story.

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