BAT BOY FOR PRESIDENT!

Bat Boy has announced that he will be running for President of the United States of America in 2020!

Bat Boy made this announcement from a secret location in West Virginia. He was surrounded by hundreds of supporters, including Taylor Swift who has been by his side for the last three weeks.

For the last month, Bat Boy has been on the run. The FBI found Bat Boy in a bowling alley in San Jose. It is not clear what exactly the FBI wanted with Bat Boy but rumors have been swirling that they knew Bat Boy was considering a run for the presidency in 2020 and wanted to stop him dead in his tracks. The Russians may also be involved.

But Bat Boy is too fast, too quick. He evaded the best FBI agents in the country and eventually made it to Nashville, Tennessee where he hid out in Taylor Swift’s mansion. Taylor has been a big fan of Bat Boy’s for the last twenty years and wanted to help him.

While he was there, she fell in love with him.

The FBI learned that Bat Boy was at the Swift Mansion and raided it in the early morning hours on September 2nd. Bat Boy and Taylor Swift took off running into the woods and now they are in hiding in West Virginia.

Why does Bat Boy want to be President? Well, his full platform will be revealed in the coming weeks, but as a mutant, Bat Boy feels he is the only being on the planet that could possibly bring everyone together. “We aren’t red, we aren’t blue, we’re aren’t boys or bats… We are beings that need to learn to love each other, to care for each other. And that’s what my campaign will be about… understanding, compassion, and love.

Taylor Swift swooned while Bat Boy gave his speech today. She told WWN that she will do everything she can to win and hopes she will be the First Lady of the United States. But those close to Bat Boy said that she may be getting on his nerves. And he definitely doesn’t want her writing a song about him.

In the meantime, Bat Boy is looking for people across the country to join his campaign. He wants to be on the ballots in all 50 states by the end of this year. Go, Bat Boy, Go!

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