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DARK MATTER THEORIES


GENEVA – Scientists say they are on the verge of proving dark matter. That might not necessarily be a good thing!

Dark matter makes up 25 percent of the universe according to scientists. However, its existence has never been able to be proven. That is until now where a giant particle collider at CERN might do the trick, the research center’s head said Monday.

“We don’t know what dark matter is,” said Rolf-Dieter Heur, Director-General of the European Organization for Nuclear Research on the Swiss-French border near Geneva.

“Our Large Hadron Collider (LHC) could be the first machine to give us insight into the ‘dark universe,'” he said. “We are opening the door to New Physics, to a discovery period.”

Astronomers and physicists say that only 5 percent of the universe is currently known, and that the invisible remainder consists of dark matter and dark energy, which make up some 25 percent and 70 percent, respectively.

That sounds like a great theory, but Weekly World News’ group of scientists have a different opinion. They have been fevorishly comparing and sharing notes with CERN, and have developed their own theory. That “dark universe” that Heuer talks about is actually the result of the Chaos Cloud.

The Chaos Cloud was spewed from a black hole 28,000 light years from Earth and is vaporizing everything in its path, says WWN’s astronomers. Anything from comets, asteroids, planets and entire stars is devoured by the cloud. Worst of all, they think that it’s heading towards Earth. The swirling 10 million-mile-wide cosmic dust cloud has been likened to an “acid nubula” and is moving towards us at close to the speed of light – making its estimated time of arrival the first week of June 2014.

“The good news is that this findind confirms several cutting-edge idea in theoretical physics,” announced Dr. Allan Sherwhiskey, a Cambridge-based astrophysicist with close ties to NASA.

“The bad news is that the total annihilation of our solar system is imminent.”

A senior White House official, speaking in anonymity, addressed this matter. “This is a lot like global warming, where the jury is still out on whether it’s real or not,” he said. “The existence of this so-called chaos cloud is only a theory. Americans shouldn’t panic until all the facts are in.”