SEVEN APHORISMS OF SUMMUM
SALT LAKE CITY, UT – A small religious group was denied erecting a granite monument in a Utah park with their tenants on it. But what are these “seven aphorisms”?
Monthly Archives: February 2009
BAILOUT PACKAGE NEGLECTS ATHLETES
NEW YORK, NY – Times are tough. The economy is tanking. And some sports leagues, teams, and stadiums have imposed a ticket price freeze.
LAKE JOCASSEE’S UNDERWATER HOTEL
SALEM, SC – Video has been released of divers exploring the remains of a hotel deep beneath the man-made Lake Jocassee.
NEW AMERICAN TEA PARTY
BOSTON, MA – Arch-conservative Rick Santelli plans to throw the world’s most expensive Tea Party to protest of the Stimulus Plan, serving hundred dollar bills steeped in hot water!
UPDATE: BOBBY JINDAL SPEECH FAILS
UPDATE: Bobby Jindal’s talks with Satan appear to be working, as he was picked to deliver the official GOP response to President Obama’s State of the Union.
OCTUPLET GRANDPA APPEARS ON OPRAH
CHICAGO, IL – Octuplet Grandpa Ed Doud appeared on Oprah this week to announce his new product line for parents of multiple children: Octo-tots. He claims to have created the line to help support his daughter and the growing number of parents like her.
ED ANGER SAYS: BOBBY JINDAL IS A ROBOT FROM THE FUTURE
I’m as fired up as a wooden Indian outside a burning drugstore about last night’s big speech.
NIKE SIGNS GOD AS SPOKESMAN
LOS ANGELES, CA – Spokespeople for Nike Corporation announced yesterday the signing of God as the centerpiece of the ‘Thou Shalt Just Do It’ campaign.
BARRELEYE FISH CAUGHT ON VIDEO
MONTEREY, CA – Scientists have finally caught the barreleye fish on video, verifying it’s transparent head and internal eyes!
BUNNING IS NOSTRADAMUS REBORN
LOUISVILLE, KY – Appearing for the first time in hundreds of years, Nostradamus has taken a human form to predict the death of a Supreme Court Justice!
