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MADONNA ADOPTS SLUMDOG STAR


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MUMBAI – Father of Slumdog Millionaire star Rafiq Qureshi attempted to sell his nine year old daughter for $300,000.  Madonna has put in a higher bid, hoping to add to her collection of ethnic children.

Qureshi attempted to sell his daughter Rubina Ali last week in what was really a sting operation held by British Journalists.  Rubina won the hearts of millions playing young Latika in the Oscar winning film Slumdog Millionaire.

Madonna, outraged over the controversy and desperate to appear relevant, has put in a higher bid for the girl.  After losing her bid earlier this month to adopt a child in Malawi, Madonna is still looking to add to her multiracial family.  She hopes that raising an “Oscar Child” from an impoverished slum will help her compete with Angelina Jolie.

If adopted by the pop singer, Rubina Ali would be taken from her dysfunctional parents and entered into The Madonna Care program.  Only seeing Madonna on birthdays and major holidays, Rubina would instead be raised by a team of elite nannies, all of whom are ex-special forces with Child Psychology degrees and black belts in Krav Maga.  The displaced child star would also have her own nutritionist, acupuncturist, yoga instructor, and pediatric life coach.

Groups around the world dedicated to fighting poverty are now turning their attention to Mr. Qureshi.  One Arkansas pastor is collecting funds to charter a plane to Mumbai so he and volunteers from his congregation can track down Qureshi and give him “a good old fashion country *ss whoopin’.”  This was met with cheers of “AMEN!” by all parishioners present.

The mysterious and reclusive Editor-in-Chief of Weekly World News is leaving later this morning, having taken it upon himself to personally slap Rafiq Qureshi in the face.