LANCE ARMSTRONG BREAKS COLLARBONE

BALTANAS, SPAIN – Lance Armstrong vows to cross the Atlantic Ocean on paddleboat after his injury.  Champion says, “This is just the challenge I need!”

Champion Lance Armstrong made headlines again this week when he broke his collarbone in the Vuelta de Castilla y Leon race in Spain. Armstrong was avoiding other fallen racers and went over his handlebars to receive one of cycling’s most common injuries.  The Castilla y Leon is most notable for having its participants chased by bulls for the final 15 kilometers of the race.

Seeing another challenge to overcome, Armstrong has decided to take this opportunity to cross the Atlantic Ocean on a paddleboat.

In an interview with Spanish television he said, “The idea originally came to me while I was drugged and being taken to the hospital.  Once I came around I was like ‘this is a good idea.’”

Lance Armstrong originally came to media attention when after overcoming brain, testicular, and lung cancer all at once, he went on to win the Tour de France a record seven consecutive times.

“I was thinking of entering the Tour de France again, but that’s just child’s play at this point.”

Armstrong has declined any medical attention for his fractured collarbone, and insists on paddling the Atlantic with the injury saying “otherwise, what’s the point?”  Feeling that this may still be too easy, he has decided to give himself scurvy before his trip.

Not since Hamish O’Shaughnessy has paddle boating received such serious attention.  Hamish, as most readers know, used his paddleboat to follow and capture three German U-boats in World War I.