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BAT BOY BLAMED FOR JOAQUIN’S BEHAVIOR


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UPDATE: As Weekly World News previously revealed, Joaquin Phoenix decided to partner with Bat Boy in his new musical career. And now Joaquin’s friends are blaming his odd behavior on the little mutant!

The actor-now-rapper went on the Late Show with David Letterman, to disastrous results:

Close friends are now attributing Joaquin’s personality change to spending too much time with Bat Boy. An anonymous source stated, “Look, I love Joaquin like a brother. That’s why Bat Boy needs to be outed as the culprit and sent packing. This new lifestyle is no good for Joaquin.”

Some believe the problems started when the actor switched to Bat Boy’s diet of mosquitoes and Mountain Dew. The source continued, “Is that any way for a grown man to eat? That mosquito pulp is messing up his mind!”

NOVEMBER 10, 2008

LOS ANGELES, CA – After announcing his acting retirement to focus on his music, Joaquin Phoenix revealed that he will be partnering with Bat Boy!

At this morning’s press junket, Joaquin explained, “I think it’s just moving on. It’s discovering something else, something new and great. And I’ve discovered that in Bat Boy.”

When asked how he found Bat Boy, he answered, “A package arrived at my agent’s office for me, with the return address merely reading ‘CAVE’. I opened it up to find a CD case caked in bat guano. I mean, how avant garde is this kid?! The CD was just 80 minutes of shrieking and squealing. Real early Yoko Ono stuff. I had to have him.”

In regards to recent exploitation accusations, the band’s manager clarified that per Bat Boy’s request, he will be paid in jars of mosquitoes and sleep in the recording studio’s basement.