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JOAQUIN PHOENIX’S RAPPING LICENSE REVOKED


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LAS VEGAS, NV – After an abysmal showing this weekend, Joaquin Phoenix has had his Hip Hop privileges revoked.

At LAVO this Saturday, a scruffy and clearly inebriated Joaquin Phoenix mumbled through a three song rap set which is already being called one of the worst in the genre’s history.  Fans were unsure what to make of the spectacle, thinking it must be a joke.  Then he fell off the stage.

In an emergency meeting, the High Chancellors of Hip Hop, including Grandmaster Flash, Funkmaster Flex and Snoop Dogg, came to the decision to revoke Joaquin’s rap privileges.  “We don’t want to have what happened to the blues, where a bunch of rich guys from Hollywood destroy decades of heritage.” said Snoop d-o-double-g.

“I’m really sorry to all the people I’ve let down.  I never wanted to hurt anybody,”  Joaquin said while leaving an LA nightclub on Sunday.  Then he fell off the sidewalk.

Mr. Phoenix can appeal the decision within the next thirty days, provided he agrees to take mandatory History of Hip Hop and Rapping for Beginners courses.