SENECA FALLS, W.VA – Bernard Madoff may be free on bail from fraud charges but Bat Boy has pledged to see him punished!
Bernard Madoff, chairman of an investment fund, was arrested by the FBI last Friday on criminal charges of securities fraud. It is believed that investors lost $50 billion due to his scheme, making it the largest investor fraud ever attributed to a single individual. And yet he is now walking the streets a free man, after posting his $10 million bail.
Bat Boy reportedly flew into a rage when he heard the news on his cave’s short-wave radio. It seems he has now made it his personal mission to bring Madoff to justice.
He was videotaped last night breaking into an army navy surplus store and stealing handcuffs and pepper spray. He also grabbed a woman’s wig and a fake moustache, presumably for two separate disguises.
Bat Boy left a piece of paper nailed to the local police station’s door explaining himself through drawings. Apparently he invested some of his profits from the special peak guano he found in his cave and is furious the money has now disappeared.
Madoff was so shaken by Bat Boy’s threats that he has approached the NYPD for protection. When a lieutenant showed him no pity, Madoff screamed, “Have you seen that freaky kid? Have you seen his teeth?! You have to help me!”
When queried about Bat Boy’s investment, Madoff smacked his forehead in frustration. “Oh god, you mean that box of [expletive] I got in the mail? I threw it out, I thought my six-year-old granddaughter sent it after I wouldn’t buy her a pony. Please, tell the bat kid I don’t have his money!”
Madoff began taunting policemen in the hopes of being locked up, but they kicked him to the curb. How long do you think it will be until Bat Boy finds him?