LOS ANGELES, CA – Following scathing reviews for his long overdue album Chinese Democracy, Axl Rose made a call to his former therapist.
Having spent nearly a week in Washington DC with Senator Ted Stevens, PhD Ape flew to Los Angeles to be with his former client and longtime friend in his time of need.
“Its not my place to comment on the quality of the album,” PhD Ape told reporters in LA. “However, I will comment on the quality of the artist. Axl is a top-notch guy. Really, he is swell. And all he wants in the world is to entertain and provide his fans with heartfelt music and Grade-A live shows.”
Rose, working with numerous incarnations of his band, Guns ‘N Roses, spent the last decade and a half working on the album most music scholars assumed would never come out.
And now that it has, most wish it never did.
“It took Brian Wilson 37 years to deal with his mental problems and it culminated with Smile, one of the crowning achievements in Rock music of the last 50 years,” Will Dana, managing editor of Rolling Stone said in his review. “Maybe if Axl had worked for another 20 years it wouldn’t be such a stinking pile of sh–.”
“The backlash against this album has been really hard on Axl,” PhD Ape said. “14 years is an incredibly long time to pour your heart into something, just to have people tear it to shreds. ”
“I plan on staying with Axl through Thanksgiving so I can work with him on making the best of this situation. It may seem like he has nothing to be thankful for, but I’m confident that Axl will endure the cold November rain. Together, we’ll find the paradise city, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.”