PHOENIX, AZ – After losing the 2008 presidential election by nearly 200 electoral votes and nearly six percent of the popular vote, Senator John McCain is understandably in very low spirits.
Before the polls even closed on the West Coast and the Big Sky states, PhD Ape was on a plane from New York, where he was counseling Guy Ritchie, to Arizona.
“John McCain will wake up tomorrow with a headache the likes he has never experienced,” PhD Ape told reporters at JFK International Airport in New York before boarding a plane.
“He has months and months worth of regrettable decisions all weighing down on his shoulders. He will be reviewing all of those decisions, thinking ‘what if?’ It’s a very difficult time in a politicians life.”
PhD Ape has previously counseled failed politicians Barry Goldwater in 1964 and Al Gore in 2000.
“Fortunately the holidays are coming up. It will be welcome distraction for John, and he has the next 2 months to come to terms with his failures,” PhD Ape told reporters waiting his arrival in Phoenix.
“By the time he returns to the Senate in the new year, John will be a confident, powerful leader in the Senate. But it will take weeks and weeks of counseling.”