LOS ANGELES, CA – Sensitive hipster comedian performs divine healing. Most commonly noted for his shy and awkward comic characters, Michael Cera was witnessed healing a sick child with his self-deprecating humor.
Outside of a charity event in Los Angeles, Mr. Cera was seen discreetly talking to wheelchair bound Katie Harris, there with her father. After several minutes of dry humor and shy downward smiles from Cera, the young Miss Harris was able to jump and dance to a White Stripes song. Mr. Cera was an endearingly horrible dancer.
Legions have now claimed to be healed by touching a television or movie screen while Michael Cera is on.
Screen healings appear to be limited to headaches and seasonal allergies. Alternative medical experts are already recommending patients hold copies of Arrested Development against their abdomen to improve liver function, or biting down on them to prevent tooth decay. Copies of Cera’s sex comedy Superbad are being ground up by herbalists to fight impotence.
These events could shed light on mysterious events at a children’s hospital in Oakland where two dozen children in the chemotherapy wing were healed by what they described as a “Big Nerd” who left behind a mix tape featuring several obscure indie rock bands.