UPDATE: At a pivotal moment in the nation’s history, America’s newest Deputy Treasury Secretary, Bat Boy, was nowhere to be found. This revelation sent shockwaves through the market and Washington D.C. on Monday.
Where was Bat Boy? He had scurried off to see his favorite band, Vampire Weekend, play a secret show in Brooklyn on Saturday night. He watched and devoured mosquitoes while the nation burned.
09/29/08
The lower house of the U.S. Congress has voted down the rescue plan to bail out Wall Street. Henry Paulson has called on Bat Boy to persuade those in the House of Representatives who rejected it to move the plan forward.
Bat Boy seemed confident that a bounty of mosquitoes and his collection of bird skulls will do the trick.
09/25/08 – A financial crisis has been averted!
WASHINGTON, DC – Henry Paulson has proposed Bat Boy to be Deputy Treasury Secretary of the U.S. Treasury. The Senate is understandably skeptical of this recommendation.
“I mean, people are saying Sarah Palin isn’t qualified enough to be Vice-President, and she’s a governor! This bailout boy lives in a cave!”, exclaimed an unnamed Senator. He wished to remain anonymous, for fear of mutant backlash.
Paulson’s reasoning?
While experimenting in his cave, Bat Boy discovered a rare form of guano left by his fellow bats. This peak guano is such an effective form of alternative energy, the government will be able to sell it as an oil -alternative domestically and abroad for a tidy profit, thus covering the $1 trillion dollar cost of bailing out the financial system.
Paulson also stated, “Bailout Boy will not require lavish executive pay or even a hefty bonus. Bat Boy has asked to be compensated entirely in mosquitoes–an abundant commodity that we are happy to be unloading at this time.”
I’ve just hung up the phone after discussing this proposal with well-connected colleagues of mine. We are all in agreement: Bat Boy is the Bail-Out-Boy for America. Our great nation is in urgent need of an answer to our financial emergency. Bat Boy has been tried, tested and trusted for many years. I, for one, am relieved that he is eager and willing to assume such an important post.
I am calling on Washington to give the order to halt all chemtrail spraying over America immediately. We cannot risk the death of any of the mosquitoes that Bat Boy needs to stay strong and vigorous. We need him too much right now and time is of the essence. Bat Boy must succeed or all hope will be lost for America.
May luck be with you, Bat Boy.
И сейчас это актуально. (Smotri 1 abzac)
Uhh….which one is Batboy?
God I prey for our passage and to stop all blockages of Congrassman.
Thank God someone had the foresight to leverage Batboy in this crisis. Tough times call for tough decisions, and Batboy’s just who we need right now.
I’ve camped with Bat Boy on a number of occasions (together with the Olly girls), and he has keen insight into the murky dealings of the underworld – I mean congress. Hail and salute Bat Boy, and all the other ‘Bat People’ we can muster as a nation!!!
With those ears I thought it was Obama for a second.
BatBoy for the win !!
Any truth to the rumors that Ross Perot is BatBoy’s father ?
BatBoy was born for hand-outs , bail-outs , and backdoor politics !
Father = Ross Perot
Mother = test tube, a nice warm lab, then incubated by Angelina Jolie
my god are you people serious??!!!
this is the most retarded thing i’ve ever seen
[...] me to check to see if the website still exists. But…. Celebrity Corner Posted 2008-09-29 BAILOUT BOY UPDATE: The lower house of the U.S. Congress has voted down the rescue plan to bail out Wall [...]
[...] Boy meeting with Treasury Secretary Paulson is a sure sign the bailout bill will pass the house. It says so right there in Weekly World News, with a picture of them shaking hands, no less. I’m sure, since this is one of the [...]
Henry Paulson After Dark
http://c1.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/33/l_c2e31db204b24bfe99bf7419eabae1f0.jpg
http://i401.photobucket.com/albums/pp98/henrypaulson/Henrypaulsonvampire.gif
[...] door explaining himself through drawings. Apparently he invested some of his profits from the special peak guano he found in his cave and is furious the money has now [...]
Вообще, когда читаешь такое, посещает мысль, а ведь это ж так просто, ну почему я это не смог придумать Респект автору
Интересно стало, а комменты которые не нравятся автору здесь трут?
[...] could Bat Boy possibly be reporting income on? Weekly World News reporters believe it may be over residuals he received for the peak guano he discovered in his cave. But given the mutant’s attempts to help Henry Paulson save America’s economy, it is [...]
[...] is no word yet on whether Bat Boy will follow suit. Since his windfall after discovering peak guano, Bat Boy should have enough cash to update his own cave with real [...]
this is so retarted i saw this in a civic s bok and thought it was weird
Love your funny stuff and twisted humor, and I love Bat Boy!