LOS ANGELES, CA – Kanye West was banned from tonight’s Haiti benefit telethon. West has decided to hold his own one-man benefit instead.
Tonight George Clooney will helm a telethon to benefit Haiti, which will air on several networks. Dozens of stars are scheduled to appear and help raise money for relief funds. Kanye West however has been expressly banned from event by Clooney himself. “If he shows up and tries to make this benefit about him” said Clooney “I’m gonna teach that guy some manners.”
Kanye West has a history of derailing benefits and ceremonies. Most recently West came under fire for interrupting Taylor Swift’s VMA acceptance speech to tell the world she didn’t deserve the award. During a Hurricane Katrina benefit In 2005 Kanye went off script and said, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” In 2007 he appeared at the national spelling bee and took the microphone from young Padma Hareswara mid-word to ask why all the finalists were Asian and there weren’t more black kids in the competition. Then he went on a ten minute rant about how he had unfair disadvantages in school.
With all these incidents in mind Kanye West has been banned from tonight’s benefit telethon. Organizers have even gotten a restraining order against Kanye for the evening, and security details have been ordered to subdue him on sight. Speaking to the issue of tonight’s telethon West said “Yeah, that’s fine. Let them have their thing. I’ll do my own benefit for Haiti. Kanye style!”
This evening Kanye West will be holding his own one-man benefit from his basement studio. “And this one’s gonna be off the chain ’cause it’s all Kanye the whole time! It’s gonna be like the poetry of Maya Angelou, set to a beat that makes you wanna get freaky on the dance floor.” Kanye is scheduled to spend 45 minutes performing out of his private studio, then spend 2 hours having a round table discussion with himself using several upright mirrors. Due to the last minute nature of his decision to do this, and a possible anti-Kanye bias in the entertainment community, West was only able to purchase air time on a local LA cable access station. “I am the victim of a conspiracy!” said Kanye. “But let the haters hate and schemers scheme, we will still ascend to greatness!”
George Clooney’s telethon will be on many channels this evening at 8pm. West will be performing in his basement alone surrounded by mirrors at 10pm.