LOS ANGELES, CA – NBC recently fired Conan O’Brien as the host of The Tonight Show. Conan lost the right to continue in an underground cage match with Jay Leno.
As a result NBC is now paying him out for breaking their multi-year contract. However NBC brass was surprised to learn that when you anger a comedian, they make fun of you. Now they’re putting a provision in their agreement to make him stop.
Since NBC made the decision, widely considered to be a massive mistake, Conan O’Brien has skewered them with what little time he has left. Nightly he refers to NBC and the people who run it in unfavorable terms, which often include references to to fat people and large amounts of cheese. With the new provision is his release contract Conan has had to start thinly veiling his criticism.
Last night Conan went on an extended diatribe explaining why the executives of NBC were “mentally incompetent” men who likely “molest goats and other livestock.” However he gave his three-minute speech in Spanish, so censors and top brass were none the wiser until they read about it online.
“We just want him to stop!” said one television executive through tears and tissues. “We h-have feelings too-o you know. It’s just, It’s just not fair!” NBC’s lawyers have had to ask Mr. O’Brien nicely to stop making fun of the executives. Conan has said only, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. The other night I told a story about a group of overfed corporate whores paving the way for their own pathetic demise. If the executives at NBC identified with them that’s not my fault.”
Conan O’Brien is getting the highest ratings of his career in his remaining days with The Tonight Show.