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JERSEY SHORE


SEASIDE HEIGHTS, NJ – Italian Americans continue to protest MTV’s Jersey Shore, despite the likeness of Christopher Columbus appearing in one of the cast members’ tans.

Jersey Shore is MTV’s new reality show that follows the lives of 7 self-described “guidos” living in a beach house in New Jersey.  Critics have blasted the show for prop0gating Italian American stereotypes.  Italian American groups are fiercely protesting the show.

The Italiam American Heritage Society has called for the cancellation of the show.  Moreover they are asking MTV to produce a mini-series about positive aspects of Italian culture “to help offset the bad karma.”  The League of Italian Grandmothers has voiced their disapproval by sending members to give MTV the Evil Eye.  Each morning a little Italian grandmother wearing all black  stands outside the MTV headquarters and says “MalakaMalakaMalaka!” then spits between two of her fingers in a gesture presumed to be the Evil Eye.  Jersey Shore has not been canceled yet, but 5 interns have come down with Swine Flu.

Advertisers are starting to listen to the discontent.  Several sponsors have pulled their commercials from the show over the controversy.  Dominos Pizza, Long Beach Tanning, and Trojan condoms are pulling their ads from rotation.  Valtrex and Painless Tattoo Removal are staying on.  Even with these setbacks the show was set to continue.  But when Axe Body Spray and Hair Gel pulled their sponsorship, the show nearly went under.

Spencer Pratt, considered the “Godfather of reality douches,” has come to the show’s rescue.  In an unprecidented move, Pratt has put forward the funding to keep the show going, in return for a percentage of the DVD sales.  “I don’t see what problem people have with the show is!” said Pratt in a statement.

NY Post columnist Lisa Stasi blasted Jersey Shore for being shallow and crude.   She mentions a teaser for next week’s episode that shows one of the larger men of the house punching a woman in the face.  Pratt replied on his Twitter account: “Linda Stasi, you should change your name to Linda Boring if you can’t be entertained by young Italian-Americans enjoying youth and partying!”  Pratt may make an appearance at the beach house later this season.

In possibly the most baffling turn of events, the face of Christopher Colombus has appeared on one of the housemates.  When getting out of a tanning bed Tuesday, Mike Sorrentino noticed the face of Christopher Columbus had appeared on his torso.  “I was like ‘Whoa!  OhmyGaad!  It’s Chris F***in’ Columbus!’ yaknow?”  Mystics and paranormal experts are unsure is this appearance is a blessing of the show, or a dire warning to not sully Italian American heritage.  Sorrentino replied, “Yaknow, I hope it’s like a blessing or somethin.  Cause I just gotta be me, yaknow?  Eh, now who wants another picture of my abs?”

More of Mike Sorrentino and his friends “guido” friends can be seen every week on MTV.