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SARAH PALIN AND OPRAH


CHICAGO, IL – Sarah Paliln did an interview with Oprah yesterday.  The two buried their hatchet and had “girl time” until the early hours of the morning.

Palin appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show yesterday for the first time.  Expectations were high for a verbal dueling match or a literal fistfight between the ideologically separated women.  Palin had spent the last month wrestling bears in Alaska to prepare herself for the mean streets of Chicago.  However the two bonded over their common ground as women.

After the interview Oprah decided to further end their rivalry by taking Palin out for a night on the town.  Oprah’s staff had to talk to Palin several times that crime in the city was not as bad as she thought, and she could leave her guns behind.

After much coaxing from Oprah herself Palin left the automatic rifle, magnum hand gun, and sawed off shotgun.  Each gun had its own holster that matched her business suit perfectly.  In the end she went with only a 2 shot dillinger that she kept hidden under her skirt by her inner thigh.

Oprah took Palin out for drinks to several high class Chicago bars.  One of the bars was staffed entirely by Asian drag queens, however given how many rounds they’d had by then Palin did not notice.  Several of the queens invited Palin to dance with them to a remix of Donna Summer’s “I Will Survive.”  Photos of this are expected to be why Palin will not receive the Republican nomination in 2012.

After bar hopping the two rented a room for karaoke.  Together Oprah Winfrey and Sarah Palin sang Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” and Destiny’s Child’s “Independent Ladies.”  Palin did a version of Sinatra’s “I did It My Way.”  Oprah sang “Falling” by Alicia Keys.  Palin said it was the first time she had ever done karaoke and thought it was “just the darndest thing!”

After karaoke they went to the top of a skyscraper and Palin taught Oprah how to shoot.  Lining up the many bottles they had emptied that evening they took turns writing names on them like Stedman and Levi, then shot them with Palin’s large assortment of guns.  Oprah claimed had never done that before and said of the experience “Oh momma says yes!”

Spreading out a blanket in a cow field outside the city the two stayed up until dawn talking and watching for meteor showers.  They shared their mutual concerns about breaking through the glass ceiling, balancing their ambition with their personal life, and men.  In the pre-dawn hours a tipsy Sarah Palin had to teach Oprah how to pee outside.

Shortly after dawn they parted ways again, with Palin continuing to promote her book and Oprah returning to her media career.  The next edition of O magazine is expected to have a section on shooting guns like a lady and how to pee outside.