WASHINGTON, DC – Congress has begun a full scale federal inquiry into the Carrie Prejean sex tape.
According to all evidence, Carrie Prejean was indeed 20 years old when she filmed her now infamous sex tape. However Congress has begun an official investigation, vowing to watch the tape as many times as necessary “just to be certain.”
Prejean rose to national attention for saying she did not support gay marriage in the Miss USA contest. So far she has been able to maintain her wholesome All American image by saying the tape was something she did before “finding Jesus”, and excuses her breast implants by saying they were a part of “God’s Will.” Even though the tape was made for her college boyfriend, she insists she was somehow 17 years old at the time.
All other federal investigations have been dropped today to investigate this scandal. So far the time stamp on the video, sworn statements from witnesses, receipts for the camera, Prejean’s personal timeline, and a news program seen in the background all confirm that Carrie Prejean must have been 20 years old when she filmed the tape.
However the entire Justice Department will spend the day watching the tape repeatedly looking for any further evidence. Said FBI director John Womack, “This scandal hits at the heart of American Values, we just can’t be too certain.” Director Womack put back on his 3-D glasses, ordered a popcorn, and returned to the FBI’s IMAX theater.
Despite the mounting pile of evidence Carrie Prejean still insists that she was 17 when she filmed the tape. “And therefore it should never be seen or discussed, and everyone should just forget about it.” Congress will make an official ruling on the tapes later this weekend.
There is only one way to resolve this issue and that is to release it to the American public so we can decide what age she was. This is the only fair way to evaluate this situation and keep the political proces intact. This is a nonpartisan issue which needs to be explored by both Democrats and Republicans, expecially the males of those parties…Part On Dude!
In fact, they should appoint me to get to the "bottom" of this scandal. With nothing more than a cigar and a broom closet, I will figure this out quickly.
Miss "Pristene" has behaved inappropriately – EXTREMELY INAPPROPRIATELY. In fact, her behavior is as extreme as her political and religious agendas. And to make things even more extreme, she has been Palinized.
Both will be judged harshly on their judgment day.. ya think?
I really dont believe that congress is not only watching the videotape.. but wathcing in 3d with Imax.. that in itself has its own moral misfortune. She lied and so do most people in the public eye. Stuff happens.. lets focus on rebuilding our economy and stopping the teen pregnancy rate from skyrocketing in this country. She is yesterdays news.. leave at yesterdays doorstep.
Wow – I must say that those repuklicans (liberdipman; and McCain the pain) look much better with the glasses on. Really they all look much better with the glasses on. Maybe it's a trend.
Ive got the kleenix ready!
I don't believe it… I need proof. I need to personally view this tape before I will accept that it exists.
Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive learn something like this before. So good to find someone with some authentic ideas on this subject. realy thanks for starting this up. this web site is one thing that's needed on the net, somebody with somewhat originality. useful job for bringing one thing new to the internet!