NEW YORK, NY – Jon Gosselin and Levi Johnston agree to be photographed nude together. The Vatican confirms this could signal the end of times.
Johnston, famous for getting his girlfriend pregnant, ran into Gosselin, famous for getting his wife pregnant, at a totally unstaged photo shoot in New York for The Insider. The two naturally hit it off and walked away from the meeting with big plans. Playgirl magazine has since confirmed that the two will appear together in a nude photo shoot.
While most people find either person annoying and desperate for fame, together and naked their power becomes biblical. “This could likely be the Whore of Babylon,” said a Vatican religious scholar who spoke only on the condition of anonymity.
“It was thought that the Whore of Babylon would be more of a symbol, a mindset of shameless self indulgence. When viewed outside the traditional context of the words, like a whore for fame, these two are the perfect masthead. And the pictures… We always thought the depictions of the Whore of Babylon as two faced and naked were metaphorical, but their faces… God help us all.”
Vatican officials are urging people around the world to be calm, but prepared. The Pope is flying to the U.S. to meet with the publishers of Playgirl Magazine, in the hopes of dissuading them from holding the photo shoot. Officials from Vatican City have begun preparations to shelter believers during the troubled times to come.
Emergency plans written in the Middle ages and revised since are being dusted off and brought into effect. Leonardo’s secret water system, which brings water from a well deep below the Vatican with the power of only 1 mule, is being cleaned off and made ready. Catholics around the world are being told to remain calm, but purchase a shotgun.
At present Jon Gosselin and Levi Johnston are still scheduled to appear nude together. The world stands in wait to see what will happen.