NEW YORK, NY – Elisabeth Hasselbeck accidentally sent out baby photos with her nipple exposed. The GOP has revoked her membership over the incident.
Hasselbeck admitted on The View yesterday to accidentally sending a picture of her her baby, which contained her nipple, to family and friends. Members of the audience who had been counting on Hasselbeck to be their paradigm of ‘family values’ fainted away in the studio. Immediately large portions of the internet broke from people desperately searching for a copy of the picture. Hasselbeck’s “Friends and Family List” that she sent the photo to contains more than 80 people, so a copy is expected to surface eventually.
Hasselbeck’s cohosts on The View tried to downplay the incident, but the damage had already been done. The Republican Party has cancelled Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s membership. “Due to Mrs. Hasselbeck’s behavior, we will have to revoke her membership” said Mitch McConnell. “The party of traditional American values has no place for someone who sends pictures of their nipples to family and friends. That may fly in Hollywood but in Real America we just don’t do that kind of thing!” Hasselbeck will no longer be allowed into Republican events and will lose her discount at J. Crew.
McConnell says that Hasselbeck has been on thin ice for some time, and this incident was only the final straw. “While we appreciate Elisabeth being a one voice of sanity on that den of liberal lunacy The View, she has become too tolerant of their perspectives. And we can’t tolerate that.”
Hasselbeck is reportedly distraught over being ousted from the GOP. For years her conservative ideaology and Republican status was the cornerstone of her identity. Now, without that, friends say she is having an existential crisis. Sources close to Hasselbeck say last night she locked herself in her master bathroom, which is the size of a standard three bedroom apartment. Through the door she was heard to say things like “Does this mean Jesus doesn’t love me anymore? Will I be left behind in the Rapture?” “I’m Un-American now!” and “Do I have to go get gay married?”
Family of Elisabeth Hasselbeck have said that she is willing to volunteer with the Palin Presidential campaign if they would reconsider her membership.