EMMY WINNERS 2009

LOS ANGELES – Last night the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences held the 2009 Emmy Awards.  Weekly World News was on hand at the illustrious event.

Television’s brightest stars were shining their brightest last night for the annual television awards ceremony.  Like every year, only a small fraction of the awards given out are televised by the major networks.
Barbara Walters won for “Outstanding Geriatric Actress in a Comedy” for her role in “The Secret Life of Moishe.”  In the HBO series she stars as a resident of a retirement community who is having an affair with her neighbor’s grandson, played by Jon Hamm.  After the ceremony the two posed for pictures together.  What started with a posed peck on the cheek for the cameras quickly turned into intense making out by Hamm and Walters.  They left in a limousine together and reportedly arrived late to their after party.
“Best Children’s Series” went to Yo-Gabba-Gabba.  Producers of the show thanked all the parents and stoners who made their success possible.
Understandably the award for “Outstanding Pundit” was hotly contested.  Sean Hannity took the award for his coverage of the Tea Party protests.  During his speech all the other nominees repeatedly shouted out derogatory remarks.  Between interruptions Hannity thanked “Jesus, my producers, God for making the greatest most free-est country in the world, ever.  Amen.”  Industry newcomer Glenn Beck won an award for “Televised Accomplishment by a Mentally Challenged Person.”
Competition was also fierce this year for “Outstanding Adaptation of a Romance Novel.”  Nora Roberts had seven short films this year that could have been considered, however last month she got into a fistfight with the head of the selection committee and her body of work was disqualified.  The nominees included “Midnight on the Bayou,” “Romance on the Bounty,” and “The Bandits of Sherwood.”  But the top honors went do “Decadence: a True Story,” which was written by Diablo Cody after a bad breakup.  All of the nominees were broadcast on the Lifetime network.
Bear Grylls won an environmental consciousness award for repeatedly drinking his own urine.  Taking the stage he said ” I do this, to save water. I do this, for our grandkids. I do this, for the planet. Thank you.”