MONTREAL – Celine Dion announced yesterday that she is pregnant, with an alien baby!
The 41 year old singer announced that she and her 67 year old husband are expecting. After spending the last year trying to conceive New York fertility doctors informed her that doing so was impossible for modern science. Not to be outdone Dion returned to her native Canada where her government-supplied health insurance put her in contact with alien fertility specialists.
“Mrs. Dion’s body is unable to conceive life on its own” said an alien fertility doctor from Quebec. “And your human children are so delicate, it would never work.” After finishing a baguette smeared with cat food, he continued, “However there are many extra terrestrial babies who could thrive in that environment. An alien fetus would be surgically implanted into her womb. Given the species it would then bond with its parental host, and in several months she gives birth like any other baby! Easy as that.”
This will be Dion’s second child, and the fourth for her husband Rene Angelil. The species of the child is yet unknown, however it is guessed that it will be humanoid and most likely mammalian. Celine Dion’s agent denied that she would be having multiple alien eggs implanted to have several children at once.
As an icon to French Canadians when her pregnancy was announced, the entirety of Quebec flooded the streets for a celebratory smoke break.