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MADONNA’S BICEPS


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LONDON – With the flack she has received recently over showing signs of age, and difficulty she has had in acquiring African children, Madonna has decided to adopt an African woman’s uterus.

An unnamed Congolese woman , age twenty, will be paid handsomely to allow her uterus and ovaries to be surgically removed and transplanted into the fifty year old Material Girl.  Whether the young woman will receive Madonna’s aging uterus in the exchange remains unclear.

Madonna received a great deal of attention recently for pictures of her arms that show signs of age.  This transplant should greatly slow the aging process by giving her the raging hormones of a twenty-year old.  Some specialists agree that the constant supply of youthful hormones might even reverse her physical signs of ageing to a slight extent.  Despite how young she may end up looking Madonna must remember to not let her youthful impulses get the best of her, or she could risk breaking a hip again.

The transplant will also help Madonna sidestep international laws in her acquisition of African children.  With her new purely African ovaries Madonna will only need to find surrogate fathers and will be able to naturally give birth to as many African children as she wants.  Architects are already drawing up plans for an entire new wing on the Madonna home, leading some to believe that she may use fertility drugs to try and have several children at once.  Giving birth to a half dozen African children would help her compete with the Kate Gosselin, Nadya Suleman, and Angelina Jolie all at once.

Madonna, currently on her Sticky and Sweet concert tour, is expected to have the operation done in secret sometime in the next few months.  Even if she is to become pregnant with multiple twins, Madonna will not stop touring.