WASHINGTON – President Barack Obama said The U.S. Constitution is out-of-date, so he is ripping it up and writing a new one.

President Barack Obama told reporters last night that the U.S. Constitution has become a hindrance to progress in America.  “The document is so out-dated, that it is now becoming a hindrance to governing the country.”

Obama said that he has signed an Executive Order voiding the U.S. Constitution.  “We need to move forward.  We need change.”

Obama said he has already drafted a new constitution and that Americans “will love what I came up with.”   Insiders say that Obama is keeping a lot of old elements from the original constitution “he’s just making it better, bringing it into the 21st century,” said White House Spokesman, Jay Carney.

Many Democrats said that President Obama was a constitutional scholar and probably the only President – since the Founding Fathers – who is qualified to change the Constitution.

“President Obama knows more about the Constitution than  any man who has ever lived,” said Minority Leader, Nancy Pelosi.  “It’s about time we changed that document and we are lucky to have President Obama to do it.”

Republicans, of course, were outraged that Obama would even consider changing the constitution, and they vowed to fight.   “We will fight this to the bitter end,” said Speaker of the House, John Boehner, “there’s no way we are going to let the Constitution of the United States be altered even a little bit.   If there are changes to be made to the Constitution it should be done the appropriate way – through amendments and we think Paul Ryan and Eric Cantor are the ones to make any changes.”

Insiders say the new Constitution will look a lot like the constitutions of Kenya, France and Soviet Russia.

There are many, many changes in the New U.S. Constitution, but here are a few of the highlights.

1) SUPREME COURT – Will now have 11 members, which reflects the growing U.S. population. President Obama will appoint two new members immediately.  The President can name a new justice without needing the approval of Congress.

2) EXECUTIVE FINANCIAL POWER – The President will have the power to unilaterally enact any financial policy he chooses, without approval of Congress.  He must inform them, but they will not “stop” him (or her) from promoting their agenda.

3) LOBBYISTS – They will now be outlawed. There will be no more lobbyists in Washington.  However, there are some exemptions outlined in the New Constitution” :  Trial Lawyers, National Education Association and unions.  They will all be able to lobby.

4) REPRESENTATION – California, New York and Illinois will double the number of representatives in Congress – permanently.  “The President feels that the smartest people in the country live in these states, so they should be over-represented,” said Jay Carney.

5) GUNS & RELIGION – Both will be banned in the United States.

ORLANDO, FL – Newt Gingrich declared himself the clear winner of the Florida primary.  

Internal polls by the Gingrich camp show that the former Speaker of the House won the Republican primary in Florida with 43% of the vote.  Romney got 31%, Santorum 14% and Ron Paul received 12%.

The Gingrich camp says that any reports of Romney winning the contest mean that the Romney has committed voter fraud in Florida and used the media to help convince the public that Gingrich did not win.

“Our internal exits polls show that Newt was the clear winner.  Also, many votes were counted by last night and Newt was the clear leader.  The Republican ‘elites’ don’t want Newt to win and they are doing everything – legal and illegal – to ensure that he doesn’t,” said a source close to the Gingrich camp.  ”If Romney is declared the winner, we plan to sue the State of Florida and take it all the way to the Supreme Court.”

“We were dead in June and July,  but we came roaring back,” Gingrich said at a rally  Tuesday morning in Tampa.

The former House speaker, who has pledged to fight on until the GOP convention this summer, faced a tough battle in Florida, but was thrilled that he pulled it off.

“We road a big wave of  enthusiasm to win Florida and we will take it to all the other primaries, then to the convention and then I will defeat Barack Obama and… I will rule the world,” Gingrich reportedly told insiders.

Gingrich reportedly ramped up his negative advertisements last night.  In various ads he called Romney “a crook”, “a thief”, “an embezzler”, “a grave robber”, “a burglar”, “a wife beater”, “a counterfeiter”, and a “bedwetter.”   In one ad Gingrich called Romney “satan incarnate”.

There are seven elections in February, which kicks off with Nevada’s caucuses Saturday. That will be followed by contests next week in Colorado, Minnesota and Maine as well as a non-binding primary in Missouri. A 17-day break will be capped by primaries in Arizona and Michigan on Feb. 28.

The schedule benefits a candidate, like Romney, with deep pockets and a sophisticated ground game able to compete on multiple fronts at once. Gingrich, who failed to even get on the ballot in his home state of Virginia for the March 6 Super Tuesday primary, plans to “destroy” Romney in all those states.

WWN tried to contact the Republican Party in Florida to confirm Gingrich’s claim to victory, but they did not return our calls.   There are insiders in Florida, however, that told WWN that this was another “hanging chad” election.

What is truth in Florida? Hmmm…

WASHINGTON – The White House has approved the redesign of U.S. currency.  Barack Obama will be on the new dollar bill.

The Obama Administration feels that the American dollar is in bad need of a makeover.  They have partnered with the Dollar ReDe$ign Project to pick a new design for U.S. currency.  Currently, the design that the administration likes best was done by Dowling Duncan (a British duo), which features a unique vertical design.  It also features President Obama on the one dollar bill.

“We love the Dowling Duncan look.  They’ve come up with a creative design and put President Obama where he belongs… on number 1,” said David Axelrod, Senior Adviser to President Obama.

The Dollar Redesign Project was organized by creative strategy consultant Richard Smith.  He is still soliciting ideas for the dollar bill of the future. “Our great ‘rival’, the Euro, looks so spanky in comparison it seems the only clear way to revive this global recession is to rebrand and redesign,” the project notes on its website.

Here’s the web site for  The Dollar Redesign Project.

“Don’t waste your time submitting a design, it’s a done deal,” said Rahm Emanuel, White House Chief of Staff.  The President wants “change” in the currency and we’ve unanimously picked Dowling Duncan’s work.  Fed Chairman, Benjamin Bernanke, has signed off on our choice for the redesign.  We intend to have the money in circulation by June, 2011.”

Emanuel went on to say that there are plans to redo U.S. coins as well.  “We don’t need a complete redesign of our coins, but we do want to put President Obama on the penny and move President Lincoln to the nickel. Thomas Jefferson, who was on the nickel, will be… discontinued.”  Republican  Congressman Paul Ryan suggested President Obama be  put on both the “nickel and dime” instead of the penny.

Another American icon might also be replaced.  “Uncle Sam is outdated,” said Axelrod.  “We need to update this icon as well.  It will now be Uncle Barack.”

Republicans are apoplectic about the changes the Administration is proposing.  “They won’t get this passed when we get control of the house,” said Minority Leader John Boehner.  “Typical Republicans, they want to block everything, even a little meaningless design issue,” said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.  “It doesn’t matter what they think, we’re going to pass this and every American will be carrying Obama dollars in their wallets and purses come June, 2012.”

FYI:  The Obama dollar will reportedly be worth $0.47.

NEVADA – Prostitutes in Nevada are campaigning for Ron Paul and they are holding fundraising events at the Bunny Ranch.

Prostitutes at Nevada’s famed legal brothel, the “Bunny Ranch,” are endorsing GOP presidential hopeful Ron Paul in the hopes that the Libertarian candidate will advance the push for legalized prostitution nationwide. To this end, Bunny Ranch staff have created a “Pimpin’ for Paul” program in which their male customers can donate money to the Paul campaign, in addition to the fee for, well, services rendered.

Here’s Brooke Taylor, one of Paul’s tireless supporters:

The women, along with their manager, explained why legalized prostitution is far healthier than the black market variety. While they are indeed Americans exercising their freedom to support the primary candidate of their choosing, getting the Paul camp to accept said donations is another story entirely.

Newt Gingrich had lobbied heavily to get the support of  the prostitutes at the Bunny Ranch.  He spent three nights with Wendy Martin (pictured below), trying to earn her support.  Ultimately she decided to back Paul, but Gingrich wasn’t unhappy with her.  In fact, reports are that Gingrich has plans to “visit” her again in the near future.

Watch a few of these Paul supporters share their thoughts:

BREAKING – WWN has learned that Newt Gingrich is going to announce a switch to the Democratic Party and is throwing his support behind Barack Obama.

Republican candidate for President, Newt Gingrich, who has been bashing Mitt Romney, capitalism and the Republican party is set to make a major announcement on Monday, right before the South Carolina primary.

WWN has learned that Newt Gingrich is so disillusioned with the Republican Party and the “rich, white guys” that run the party, that  he is switching allegiances and registering as a Democrat.

Will he challenge Barack Obama for the Democratic Nomination for President?  “Newt has been talking to the President a good deal over the last few days.  Newt will not seek the Democratic Nomination, but President Obama has promised that Newt will be appointed to a high-level cabinet position once Obama is re-elected.

“The Republicans are the party for rich, capitalist pigs,” Gingrich reportedly told reporters in South Carolina.  “I am confident that with Mitt Romney as their nominee, they will lose in a landslide to Barack Obama.”

Nancy Pelosi was thrilled that Newt joined the Democratic Party.  “I always knew he was a Democrat at heart, I’m glad he finally admitted it publicly,” Pelosi reportedly said.

Gingrich told WWN that he has “volumes and volumes” of negative research on Mitt Romney and that he is turning it all over Barack Obama’s re-election campaign.

Asked whether he was a socialist, Gingrich thought for a moment and reportedly said, “FDR is the greatest president the United States has ever had.  If you think FDR is a socialist, than I am a socialist.  I think government, big government, is the answer to most, if not all, of America’s problems.  The bigger the government, the more good we can do.”

Gingrich always held many far-left position, including his thoughts on illegal immigration.  Gingrich believes that ALL illegal immigrants in the  United States should get amnesty, and that open borders would help the U.S. economy.  “We have plenty of room in our country.  I say, we cap the country at 50o million.  Once we hit that number, we can close the border, until then, I say let them all in!”

Gingrich all supports gay marriage, abortion, taxes on big oil, higher taxes on the wealthy, Obamacare and he strong believe in climate change.  He is meeting with Al Gore this weekend to come up with a plan that will drastically reduce the carbon footprint of the United States.

How does Gingrich feel about declaring himself a Democrat?

“Like the weight of the world is off my shoulders.”

WASHINGTON, DC -  Sources close to Hillary Clinton say  she will announce her run for President.

Hillary Clinton came to WWN Headquarters and told editors that she is livid about the downgrade of the U.S. Credit Rating.  “I’ve stood silent long enough.  I don’t think Obama is a leader and I know… I know I can do a much better job.  I am a true leader and… I am going to challenge Barack Obama for the Democratic nomination for the President of the United States.”

The White House was quick to deny the news, saying that as far as they knew Hillary Clinton is happy as Secretary of State and remains loyal to Barack Obama.

But, WWN has learned  that in recent weeks, Bill Clinton, has been meeting with democratic operatives in Washington and grass roots leaders early primary states of Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina.  Bill thinks this time around, Hillary can easily wrestle the nomination from a weakened Barack Obama.

“It’s her time.  The nation desperately needs Hillary.  The world desperately needs Hillary,” Bill Clinton told  WWN’s Frank Lake in phone interview last night.

Some cynical Republican consultants feel that this was the plan all along.  “They made a pact back in 2008.  Barack would serve one term and get Obamacare passed, then Hillary would serve two terms and pass the other elements of their progressive agenda. The plan is working perfectly.”

Sources close to Hillary said, however, that Hillary has not spoken to Barack Obama personally in over three weeks.  “Hillary feels that President Obama has moved dramatically to the center and abandoned the core progressive principles they both old dear.”

A quick Rasmussen poll of Democratic primary voters puts the race at 52% for Hillary and 45% for Obama with 3% undecided.

James Carville, Paul Begala and, surprisingly, Dick Morris, have all signed up to join the Hillary for President team.  2012 is going to be a wild  year.

Bill Clinton likes Hillary’s chances.  “Hillary is going to crush Obama.  And the country is going to get two for one.  We are back, baby.  We’re back!!”

Republicans and Tea Party Patriots are… very worried.  VERY worried.

WASHINGTON – Obama is shaking up his White House staff and wants an “Alice In Wonderland” theme for his re-election year.

President Obama is planning a real “Tea Party”  in the White House. with characters from the Lewis Carroll novel, Alice In Wonderland.  “The President feels his White House will run just as effectively with The Mad Hatter as it does with Bob Daley and the rest of his current staff,” said a source close to the White House.

“White House officials were nervous to reveal the ‘new direction’ of the White House, especially with the state of the economy.  “The President was worried how average Americans might perceive his radical move, but he thinks that everyone needs to lighten up a bit and if he has a ‘fun” White House, then perhaps everyone will have more fun all across America,” said a White House.

Michelle Obama is getting into the new Alice theme at the White House, though she is having trouble with the Queen of Hearts.

Many staffers seemed very enamored with The White Rabbit for some reason.

Johnny Depp – as The Mad Hatter – will be President Obama’s new Chief of Staff.

And Nancy Pelosi will be part of the White House Tea Party.

 Harry Reid will be floating above the White House every day.

WASHINGTON – There are Beltway rumors that President Obama is losing his hearing from a rare auditory disease.

Sources close to interns at the White House say that President Obama is virtually deaf but is taking action to correct his hearing loss.  It was evident in Obama’s address last night to Iowa caucuses, as the President kept apparently had trouble hearing Iowa citizens, but he blamed it on “technical” problems.

The President said he noticed the hearing problem last year during the debt ceiling debate.  “People were talking to the President, but he couldn’t understand a word they were saying,” said a source close to the White House.

It is President Obama’s right ear that is the problem, though the higher frequencies in his left ear are not as clear either.   There are some reports that say he may go totally deaf in his right ear, and may have only partial hearing in his left ear.

While the President was in Hawaii on his vacation, a top otolaryngologist from Los Angeles flew to Oahu to examine the President.

“I can occasionally talk to people in person one on one if their voice frequency happens to fit the range that I can still hear, but I cannot hear exactly what they are saying, especially if they are Republicans, who rarely make sense anyway,” Obama reportedly told his old high school basketball coach. “I cannot hear cable television. I cannot hear protests.  I am, for all practical purposes, deaf – and it’s happened in six months.”

WWN spoke to the otolaryngologist and he feels strongly that Obama’s hearing loss can be corrected. “We see this sometimes.  People temporarily go deaf.  We think that in about nine or ten months, his hearing will fully return to normal.”

Insiders say the President will go about his normal duties.  “I bet itwon’t affect his golf game at all,” said a Republican congressman.

Mexico’s Grand Warlock predicted US President Barack Obama would fail to win re-election in 2012.

The Grand Warlock, or “Brujo Mayor” in Spanish, leads a Mexican tradition of “brujeria” or sorcery centered in the southeastern city of Catemaco.   He has made predictions for the last twenty-five years.

He uses tarot cards to make his predictions and has a 95% accuracy rate.

He predicted that President Barack Obama would lose his re-election bid  in a landslide – though he would not say which Republican would defeat him.

He also said that the Republican party in the United States would easily retake the United States Senate.

Brujo Mayor also predicted two more Latin American leaders would be diagnosed with cancer, in his traditional New Year’s forecast Tuesday.

The Grand Warlock, also known as Antonio Vazquez, said that Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, who claims to have beaten an unspecified cancer, would have a “terrible relapse.”

Argentina’s President Cristina Kirchner, Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff, former Brazilian leader Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva and Paraguay’s Fernando Lugo have been diagnosed with cancer in recent years.

Vazquez, who sports a long grey beard, put the cancer cases down to “witchcraft” against Latin American leaders, during a Mexico City news conference giving his 25th annual predictions.

Vazquez also said the euro would weaken and recession would return to developed economies.

He predicted that the U.S. would invade Mexico to battle the drug cartels.

He predicted that Hollywood would no longer be the center of the American film industry – New York will become the center again.

Vazquez also predicted that many Americans would move to Mexico because of lower taxes, a higher standard of living and greater liberty.

“Mexico will soon overtake the United States as the greatest power in North America.”

DES MOINES – Aliens have been spotted around Ron Paul in Iowa. Could they be supporters?

Over the last two weeks, all across Iowa, numerous citizens have reported seeing “strange beings” at Ron Paul rallies.  Many are convinced they have seen “aliens” appear next to Ron Paul.  The aliens seem to be smiling and seem to “know” Ron Paul in some way, according to witnesses.

At the same time, Ron Paul’s campaign has been surging.  Could it be because of his newfound “alien”support?

“This is just another Ron Paul conspiracy theory… There are no aliens. This seems like another stunt by the Romney campaign to try to portray Ron Paul as crazy.  Ron Paul WILL be our next president,” said Jame Cobb, Ron Paul Campaign Director  in Ames, Iowa.

But WWN spoke to Dr. Banesh Bannerje of the U.N. Panel of Extraterrestrials.  He told WWN that he believes that the sightings are real and that the aliens the Ron Paul supporters have seen are probably from Planet Zeeba.

“The Zeebans have been coming to our planet since November of 2010.  They have come to spread peace and to help the planet overcome the many challenges we face.  We think that it is significant that Ron Paul supporters have spotted the Zeebans.   Maybe Ron Paul’s message is one that Americans should pay closer attention to.”

Ron Paul has been campaigning with his son, Sen. Rand Paul over the last few days and they have been greeted like rock stars, with hundreds of supporters turning out to rally in both Des Moines and Cedar Rapids.  At both rallies, supporters report seeing “aliens.”

 The latest Iowa poll shows the Texas Congressman neck-and-neck with Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum, basically guaranteeing that Paul will take one of the top three spots in the first-in-nation state.

The Zeebans might be supporting Ron Paul, but Rick Santorum has a secret weapon:  The Duggar Family.

The Duggar family said  that if Rick Santorum wins Iowa, they vow to have as many babies as possible before November, 2012 – in order to get as many votes as possible for Rick Santorum.  Told that babies can’t vote, the Duggars said, “they can in Iowa.”

While a lot of Paul’s fans were reluctant to talk to the media about the Zeebans or the Duggar Plot — more than a few expressed concern about getting put on FBI ‘lists’, especially with their connection now with beings from another planet.

“We are one with the Zeebans.  Ron Paul will be our next President,” said Jason Witte of Des Moines.   Ron Paul!!  Ron Paul!!  Ron Paul!!”