Asian men share tips on how to catch a woman and keep her happy.

For generations Asian women learned how to treat a woman by following rules laid down by Chinese philosopher Wang Xu in his book Maxims for Teaching Men.  Now they’ve taken his words of wisdom that have been passsed down fro more than 2,000 years and updated them to deal with women in 2012.

Here are the winning recommendations for Western men who want to trade be successful in love and marriage:

1)  TREAT HER LIKE GOLD – Your woman is a queen.  Remember that your wife comes first - before you,  your job, your outside interests or even your mother!

2) MORNING RITUAL.  Get up in the morning before your woman does.  Make sure to write her a special love note, something short and sweet – and hide it in place that she’ll find it later in the day.  Make it short, loving, funny, touching… just let her know you are thinking of her and that you love her.

3)  TALK.  Don’t sit there like a lump on a log.  Talk to her.  She wants to know how you are feeling, what you are thinking and what you are doing!   Don’t just grunt and mumble.  Never, ever.  She’s your best friend, so talk to her.

4) LISTEN TO HER.  Even more important – listen to her.  Women like to talk about their day, their problems, their concerns etc.  Listen to her.  Really listen.  She can tell if you’re only half-listening.  Give her your full attention.

4)  BE AT HOME.  Make sure you come home to be with her.  You don’t have to stay late at work EVERY night.  You don’t have to meet your buddies and watch sports games EVERY sunday.  Sepnd time with your wife.

5)  COMPLIMENT HER.   Is that so hard?   If she looks good – tell her.  If she smells good – tell her.  If she’s great in bed – tell her.  Who doesn’t like compliments?

6) MAKE HER DINNER.   Yeah, you can learn how to do this.  Why not?  She’s working too… it’s 2012.  Learn to make a few quick meals and if she’s working late – or even if she’s home with the kids – or just because… make her a delicious meal.  You have to make her life easier too.

7)  LET HER HANG WITH HER GIRLFRIENDS.  If she wants to have a girls night out – let her.  If she wants to go away for a girl’s weekend in the Caribbean – let her.  You can trust her.  If she has fun, she’ll come back happier.

8)  LET HER HANDLE THE MONEY.   You make the money, but so does she.   Women are generally better with money, so let her handle the finances.  She can give you an allowance every week and that’s all you have to worry about.  This way you don’t have to get involved with what she spends.  You just spend what she gives you.

9)  ESPN/VIDEO GAMES – LIMITS.   Limit yourself to 5 hours total a week in video games/sports shows.  You don’t want your girlfriend/wife to be a video game widow.  Set a limit for the week and when you meet it – turn off the TV and put away the console.

10)  OBEY.  Do whatever she says.  Don’t question it – it’s not worth it.  ”Yes, dear” is the most important phrase you will ever know.   You are here to make her happy – just do what she wants.

11)  TAKE YOUR TIME IN BED.  What’s the rush?  Try to include a little foreplay.  Try to seduce her, try to – make it longer than a stop at a toll booth.  Think about pleasing her for once!

12)  KNOW FASHION.  Not all women love fashion, but many do.  Get a subscription to Elle and Vogue and keep up on the latest trends.

13)  GROOM YOURSELF.  Just because you’ve won her heart doesn’t give you the right to be a slob now.  Keep yourself clean, trim your hairs and stay in shape.  No woman wants a big old beer gut.

14)  CLEANING.  This may be the most important thing to know.   Clean the bathroom, kitchen, house or apartment whenever possible.  She will love you for it.  If you have a saturday off – scrub the floors.  It will be worth it – trust me.

Follow ALL these steps and you will be happy for the rest of your life!

CAMBRIDGE, U.K. – A large new study done by scientists at Cambridge University prove that yoga helps lower back pain but causes mental illness.

The largest study ever done about the benefits of yoga examined over 5,800 people who did yoga regularly over a two-year period.  It concluded that yoga is extremely effective at relieving lower back pain, but yoga caused mental deficiencies in 80% of those studied and some kind of mental illness in over 72% of participants.

The study, funded by the British Institute of Health in collaboration with the U.S. National Institute of Health was published on Monday.

Smaller studies in the past have suggested that yoga, which involves stretching exercises along with a mental component of deep breathing and other relaxation techniques, was moderately effective at easing symptoms of chronic lower back pain and that people felt more “at peace.”

For years yoga experts (gurus) have claimed that yoga relieves stress, but while some people in the study did report less stress when doing yoga they felt more stress when they missed a yoga class.

“We were all surprised to learn that yoga had such a detrimental effect on a person’s mental health, and shocked to learn that it lowers IQ and causes the onset of dementia,” said Professor Karen Engelbert from the Cambridge University.

Look at this man.  He was a successful investment banker in London, but gave it all up to do this three hours a day:

The benefits of yoga are attributable to the physical benefits of stretching and the “good feeling” people get when stretching and manipulating their bodies in a hot room with other people.  ”Yoga does have many benefits for the body – even aerobically – but if you do it too much, many people lose interest in other aspects of their lives and tend to have trouble concentrating and doing simple tasks like tying their shoelaces,” said Engelbert.

The study found that many people who do yoga wind up walking around with a purple (or blue) mat even when they are not going to a yoga class.  It found that  yoga is “addictive” and recommends that a Yoga Anonymous (YA) be started in the United States so people who do yoga obsessively can get treatment, before they completely lose all their mental faculties.

Yoga affects women and men in the same way, but women do more yoga then men.  Of the 5,800 people in the study, 69% of those who went to yoga class regularly were women.   It did not matter if the people went to a yoga class or did yoga at home – the results were the same. Dementia.

People that participated in the study were also five times more likely to be on anti-depressants, anti-psychotic medicine and marijuana.  They were also more likely to own scented candles.

The bottom line:   yoga is good for the back, bad for the brain.

For generations Asian women learned how to treat a man by following rules laid down by Thai philosopher Sunthron Phu in his book Maxims for Teaching Women.  Now they’ve taken his words of wisdom that have been passsed down fro more than 2,000 years and updated them to deal with men in 2012.

Here are the winning recommendations for Western women who want to trade be successful in love and marriage:

1) YOUR MAN IS KING - Remember that your man/husband comes first – before you, your parents, your outside interests or even your children.

2) RISE EARLY.  Get up in the morning before your man does.  Make sure you prepare a healthy breakfast so he gets a good start on the day.  Even if you have to leave before him, make sure he has a nice breakfast waiting for him when he comes into the kitchen in the morning.

3) NEVER NAG.   Never, ever. If he wants to stop off after work and have a few drinks with his buddies, that’s his business.  If he forgot to take out the garbage – do it yourself.

4)  BE AT HOME.  Make sure you’re always at home when he gets in from a hard day at the office.  Even if you are working, make sure you get home to your man/husband as soon as possible.

5)  SMILE.   Always greet your man with a smile on your face and, if you can, a cold drink in your hand.

6)  DINNER READY.    If you are home, or get home first, always have a delicious dinner ready to be served. And if he comes home feeling tense, give him a massage to ease his aches and pains.

7)  LET HIM HANG WITH FRIENDS.  If your man wants to have his buddies over for a night of poker, or football, or video games, don’t  get mad. Encourage it and make sure you’ve got lots of sandwiches and cold beer on hand to serve them.

8)  ASK FIRST.  Always ask him first before you go spending his hard-earned money, or even your hard-earned money, to buy something for yourself.

9)  REMOTE CONTROL.   Let him choose the programs you watch onteleveision.   The television is man’s domain… he should be in charge.  And only Netflix/rent HIS  favorite movies or TV shows.

10)  OBEY.  Don’t do things your husband doesn’t approve of.  And don’t complain about it. If he doesn’t want you wasting your time watching soap operas or having coffee with a neighbor, obey him.  You’ll both be happier for it.

11)  WILD IN BED.  Be a temptress in bed.  If he likes you in sexy lingerie, wear it.  Be shy and demure when you’re out in public, but once the lights are out, let him know he’s the only man in the world who can please you.

12)  KNOW SPORTS.  Bone up on sports so you’ll have something to talk about. But always let him start the conversation.

13)  KEEP FIT. Keep yourself in shape and always dress nicely so you’ll be a wife any husband would be proud to have.

14)  CLEANING.  Keep your home spic and span at all times.  It should look like you’re expecting company.  And the laundry should always be done.  Your man  should never have to look for clean socks or underwear and his shirts should all be ironed – by you.

Follow ALL these steps and you will be happy for the rest of your life!

AND… check this out:

ASIAN MEN REVEAL SECRETS TO KEEPING A WOMAN HAPPY

The suggestion follows tests in the laboratory comparing high-fructose corn syrup, which is six times sweeter than cane sugar and a common ingredient in processed foods, with omega-3 fatty acids, known to aid memory and learning.

Look at this sugar lover!

In an experiment on rats, one group had a sugary diet for six weeks and another was fed healthily.

At the start of the study, published in the Journal of Physiology, the  University of California team tested how well the rats navigated a maze – placing landmarks to help them learn the way.

Six weeks later, the researchers tested the rats’ ability to recall the route.

Study co-author Professor Fernando Gomez-Pinilla said the rats fed just a sugary diet were slower and their brains had declined.

He said: ‘Eating a high-fructose diet over the long term alters your brain’s ability to learn and remember information.

However, the good news is that eating nuts and fish such as salmon can counteract this disruption. Here’s Professor Fernando Gomez-Pinilla.

‘Our findings illustrate that what you eat affects how you think,’ said Prof Gomez-Pinilla. ‘Adding omega-3 fatty acids to your meals can help minimise the damage.’

While earlier research has revealed how fructose harms the body through its role in diabetes, obesity and fatty liver, this study is the first to uncover how the sweetener influences the brain.

Here’s a major sugar lover:

The researchers were studying the impact of high-fructose corn syrup on rats, who have similar brain chemistry to humans.

The inexpensive liquid is six times sweeter than cane sugar and is commonly added to processed foods such as soft drinks.

We’re not talking about naturally occurring fructose in fruits, which also contain important antioxidants,’ said Prof Gomez-Pinilla.

‘We’re concerned about high-fructose corn syrup that is added to manufactured food products as a sweetener and preservative.’

Prof Gomez-Pinilla and co-author Rahul Agrawal found the brain’s of the rats that each consumed a fructose solution as drinking water for six weeks had changed.

Prof Gomez-Pinilla said: ‘Their brain cells had trouble signaling each other, disrupting the rats’ ability to think clearly and recall the route they’d learned six weeks earlier.’

A closer look at the rats’ brain tissue suggested that insulin had lost much of its power to influence the brain cells.

The authors suspect that eating too much fructose could block insulin’s ability to regulate how cells use and store sugar for the energy required for processing thoughts and emotions.

However, their study also suggests that eating foods rich in omega-3 regularly could protect the brain from the effects of fructose.

Prof Gomez-Pinilla said: ‘It’s like saving money in the bank. You want to build a reserve for your brain to tap when it requires extra fuel to fight off future diseases.’

Claire Bates, Daily Mail

Famous Russian astropsychologist, Vadim Levin, describes the perfect drink for your Zodiac sign.

Aries:  People born under this sign often drink beer, but many of them, including women, love vodka with tomato juice.   Aries men and women often have active lifestyles and this sometimes causes a shortage of body fluids, so  Aries folks drink more than any other zodiac sign.

Taurus:  Men of this sign like to drink beers, especially thick. Light, bright varieties of beer are not liked by this sign.   Women of this sign love wine of quality.  Men also do not mind a drink of wine, including the sweet varieties, but are also particularly fond of brandy.

Gemini:  The people of easy temper, and their drinks are usually light and playful.   They like variety and often like to try new wines.  But, according to their dual nature, sometimes they will reach for a shot of Tequila or Jack Daniels and really – let loose.

Cancer:  They prefer unpretentious beverages.   Often they drink small glass of beer or some soft drink. People of this sign love whipped cream, so they prefer cocktails to which they belong.  Irish coffee is a real favorite.  And chocolate milk.

Leo:  love expensive beers, especially with a lion on the label, it is desirable golden brown (a favorite color of the sign). They are also particularly prefer spirits and cocktails on the basis of citrus. In adulthood, the people of this sign are beginning to appreciate whiskey.

Virgo:   This sign an be divided into two groups: the first consists of connoisseurs of fine wines and luxury beers, the second – dry beverage lovers. The first group is concerned, from what and how the drink was made.   The second group is less picky, but they do not anything sweet in taste.   They like Martinis but are very picky about how they are made.

Libra:  People born under this sign usually drink a little, because they possess an innate sense of proportion. They are easy to taste, but quite sweet drinks. Preference for light beers, as well as a mixture of rum and fruit juices. As for champagne, to which the scales are not indifferent, it is preferable to all sweet.

Scorpio:  Three factors are important to the Scorpio: their drinks must be dark, strong and vigorous to have taste. In the premium dark beers. Scorpios love strong drinks.  Many drink vodka, but they actually prefer Cognac, especially a brand dark in color. Women of this sign love aperitifs and cocktails, as long as they are strong and dark.

Sagittarius:  Travelers by nature, people of this sign like the new and exotic, like a Korean vodka, where the bottle is a snake preserved in alcohol.  Sagittarians have a weakness for exotic labels and are drawn to any long bottle with a bright sticker,.

Capricorns tend to drink quite a bit of liquid. As for taste preferences, they have a sufficient premium spirits, having a dry bouquet: whiskey, gin and tonic. ” Vodka is too simplistic for them, unless they fit any elite brand such as “Absolute”.

Aquarius:  These people prefer a light beer such as “Lager”, or any other, with the words “light”.  It is desirable that the beer be cool (not cold). Aquarius astrologically match drinks, which you can sip during the conversation.  They also like champagne and anything bubbly.

Pisces:  People born under this sign are not particularly choosy in the selection of drinks.  They prefer vodka of weaker drinks – beer. Ideally, these people are most suitable for a drink that used to be popular: “Pernod”.

Drink up!

Diane Merlin, Pravda

A groundbreaking new study revealed today that happiness may be a cause for depression.

Studies show that there is a darker side to feeling good and that the pursuit of happiness can sometimes make you . . . depressed.  Too much happiness will make you gullible, selfish, less successful and, in some cases, suicidal.

Happiness does have benefits. It can protect us from stroke and the common cold, makes us more resistant to pain and even prolongs our lives. Yet, June Gruber, a professor of psychology at Yale University who has studied happiness, warns that it’s important to experience positive moods in moderation.

She compares happiness to food: Although necessary and beneficial, too much food can cause problems; likewise, happiness can lead to bad outcomes. “Research indicates that very high levels of positive feelings predict risk-taking behaviors, excess alcohol and drug consumption, binge eating, and may lead us to neglect threats,” she says.

“You don’t want to eat too much cake or broccoli or meat.  Too much is bad.  Less is more.  And that goes for happiness, too.”

How else can excessive joy, or having lots of positive emotions and a relative absence of negative ones, hurt you?

First, it may hamper your career prospects. Psychologist Edward Diener, renowned for his happiness research, and his colleagues analyzed a variety of studies, including data from more than 16,000 people around the world, and discovered that those who early in their lives reported the highest life satisfaction (for example, judging it at 5 on a 5-point scale) years later reported lower-income than those who felt slightly less merry when young. What’s more, they dropped out of school earlier.

Psychologists point out that emotions are adaptive: They make us change behavior to help us survive. Anger prepares us to fight; fear helps us flee. But what about sadness? Studies show that when we are sad, we think in a more systematic manner. Sad people are attentive to details and externally oriented, while happy people tend to make snap judgments that may reflect racial or sex stereotyping.

In a 2005 study in the Journal of Personality and Happiness, University of Chicago psychologist Gwen Bolden asked 94 student to “get happy”… “really happy.”  The students did everything they could possible do to make themselves happy – including sex, drugs and rock n’ roll – but soon after, the students were “depressed.”

“See happiness needs to be controlled. Too much will make you depressed and cause you to stay in bed and watch reality TV all day.   Better to be a little happy or even a little sad.  Too much happiness is no good.”

Here’s your monthly forecast for April 2012.  

ARIES

Mar. 21- April 19

What is the matter, cat got your tongue?  Tell that special person exactly what you are feeling – before it’s too late!  You may be considering cheating on your taxes. Don’t – you’re going to be audited. That funny itch may be more serious than it seems.

If it doesn’t go away on its own, see a urologist. Your lucky lottery numbers are 2-8-12-22-31-39.

TAURUS

April 20 – May 20

Brace yourself. That sexual “dry spell” you’ve been going through is about to end – big time!

You’ll probably cross path with a young tech geek.  As if you can invest in his upcoming IPO – he could be another Mark Zuckerberg.

Your health is on an upswing, you may feel years younger.  To avoid bad luck , stay away from both black and white cats.
GEMINI
May 21- June 20

Expect to have a major blow up with a family member over money.  Someone you’d never had imagined in 1,000 years haa a secret crush on you.

Watch TV closely this month for news about a new health product.  It can add about six years to your life.

To boost your luck this month, build a treehouse – but don’t let any kids near it.

CANCER June 21- July 22

Don’t kid yourself – “soul-kissing” IS a form of cheating.  Money doesn’t grow on trees, but an investment having to do with trees will make you a small fortune.

Eating an apple a day will actually do wonder s for your body.

You can improve your luck by relying on gut instinct instead of logic when you suddenly have to make a big decision.

LEO July 23 – Aug 22

Set aside a little extra money.  YOu’re going to need it for legal expenses and possibly bail money. To avoid bad luck this month, stay away from anyone with a tattoo. A Brief spell in the hospital is a strong possibility.

VIRGO – Aug. 23 – Sept 22

A sensual massage could be just what your relationship needs to fire things up. Check the pockets of pants around the house – some missing cash is there.

Reducing your intake of red meat may head off a problem with clogged arteries later in the year.

You can improve your luck y by not inviting anyone who carries a gun to a sleep over.

LIBRA Sept. 21 – Oct 22

Great news! This will by your luckiest month in years.  If Libras depend on chance instead of common sense this month, they’ll rarely go wrong.  A piece of art you have in your home could turn out to be worth a small fortune.

No health woes.  But watch out:  A lover’s spat could get out of hand this month – don’t say anything you can’t take back.

SCORPIO  Oct. 23 – Nov. 21

Be wary of a female interloper who seeks to “befriend” the two of you – she’s a barracuda. An old family friend will give you some odd sounding advice.  Take it and you’ll make out like a bandit.

The only health problem you’re likely to encounter this month is likely  to be on the left side of your body. Expect good to very good luck.

SAGITTARIUS  Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

A well-known athlete will propose an impromptu “huddle” with you.  Just make sure no other team members are invited.

A gas station attendant may accidentally give you back about $50 in extra change.

A bird suddenly flying over head will be a sign that a lucky break is coming your way – unless it’s an owl.

Your physical health will improve.

CAPRICORN
Dec. 22 – 00 Jan 10

Your sweetheart has been fantasizing about a person who lives nearby. But don’t worry your “rival” is gay.  Someone you encounter in the meat section of the supermarket will give you some sound financial advice.

By pure chance, you’ll find an object on the street. Keep it – it will turn out to be a powerful good luck charm.  No health problems on the horizon.

AQUARIUS

Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

Look for an exotic, imported liqueur at your neighborhood package store.

It can cure that nagging health woe.  A simple bar bet involving the sizes of Canada and the United States could net you an extra $100 this month.  This would be a great month for a romantic getaway in the country. To avoid bad luck, stay away from bulls.

PISCES

Feb. 19 – Mar 20

It’s time to stop being so picky when it comes to romance – beggars can’t be choosers.

Selling some valuable information about a pal to the tabloids could help yo make ends meet. Drink more orange juice – your body craves the Vitamin C.  Don’t expect anything to come your way by pure luck this month.  You’ll have to work overtime for everything.

I’m madder than a penguin on Miami Beach over all the mealy-mouthed politicians whining about the economy and not doing anything about it.

Let’s face it, folks.  We are in the Second Great Depression. And guess who got us hardworking, penny-saving, honest Joes into this mess?  The same cigar-chomping fat cats in Washington who are running around like chicken with their heads cut off blaming everyone but themselves.

They’re all back-stabbing morons.

Who let Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac collapse the housing market?  Who let bloodsuckers on Wall Street steal us blind without even one of them going to jail?   And why are we still in such horrible shape after four years of this?  I’ll tell you why.  It’s  because we have a bunch of no-good,  greedy politicians who keep flying private jets, voting themselves big  raises every other month so they can live high on the hog in Washington while the rest of the country suffers – that’s who!

If anybody can squeeze blood out of a turnip, it’s our boozing, big-spending congressmen and senators who eat caviar while us little guys struggle to feed our families and pay for gas in our cars.  And our President?  Don’t me started on that Marxist America-hater!

Yours truly is mad as and hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.  My great-uncle J.B. Potter, who struggled through the first Great Depression in the 1930s, has a great idea to help America get back on its feet again. Here it is:  Publicly horsewhip every politician in Washington, shoot every  lawyer in the country and make it a capital crime to buy ANYTHING that isn’t made in America.

In other words, traitors who buy anything from China should fry in the chair, by Jiminy! Hey, I know these are pretty tough measure, but if we’re going to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, we’re going to have to kick some butt.

And I figure China’s a good place to start. I never bought anything those noodle-eaters have shipped over here to America, anyway. But a lot of good-hearted, patriotic Americans have been hoodwinked for years into paying good money for the junk these rice ball racketeers peddle.   Well, it’s high time Americans stop making those Mao lovers rich and only buy stuff made in the good old U.S. of A!

And if I were President Obama, I’d go one step further. I’d make the Chinese buy only American too, for five years, just to make up for robbing us blind – or we’ll bomb ‘em back to the Stone Age where they came from.

Now get out there and… Buy American!

Your troubles may not be your problems after all – they are the miseries of a dead soul who has possessed you!

A top psychologist and author says that the troubles you have in life are not your fault because you, most likely, are possessed by a dead soul.

And, most importantly, the author says that if you can rid yourself of everything from depression to weight problems just by banishing the unwelcome spirit that has invade your body.

“On your own, you can learn ways to tell if you are possessed by the spirit of a dead person and can rid yourself of this spirit, said Dr. Edith Fiore, author of The Unquiet Dead.

“Many people are possessed by earthbound spirits. These are people who have lived and died, but did not go into the afterworld at death.  Instead, they stayed on Earth and remained just like they were before death, with the fears, pains, weaknesses and other problems that they had while they were alive.  They are drawn to unite with the living, in fact, they don’t even know that they have died.

Dr. Fiore told WWN that most victims of these earthbound spirits become possessed at times of special vulnerability – for instance, when they are sick, emotionally upset or drugged. Symptoms of possession range from mild to severe and can even be life-threatening.

The therapist estimates that about 80 percent of her patients are suffering form the problems brought on by spirits of the dead.

To tell if you are among the possessed, she advises that you look for the following symptoms:

– Low energy levels

–Character shifts or mood swings

– Inner voice or voices speaking to you

– Impulsive behavior

– Memory problems

– Poor concentration

–Sudden onset of physical problems

– A sudden onset of anxiety or bouts of depression especially after hospitalization or any other trauma.

– Weight gain with no obvious cause

ON NEXT PAGE FOUND OUT HOW TO RID YOURSELF OF THE DEMONS

It’s Valentine’s Day again, and I’m madder than Cupid with a dirty diaper!

Valentine’s Day is the stupidest holiday of the year.  There’s no big juicy deep fried turkey or liquored up egg nog  – just pink, pink, pink! The whole world looks like an explosion at a Paris cathouse.

The gifts men are supposed to give are crazy. Why do you want to give your wife chocolate? Isn’t she already fat enough? Then you’re supposed to give her sexy red underwear, so you’ll be able to see how much fatter she’s gotten! Does anybody else think this is plum loco?

What about perfume? Are you saying your wife stank before? If she did, why would you want to hang on to her?

And flowers! Did you know that flowers are really the naughty parts of plants? Congratulations, mister: you just sent a dozen you-know-whats to your honey! Plus flowers die after a few days. Why don’t women want something that lasts forever, like a good hacksaw?

The new thing are those mail order teddy bears in stupid outfits. They sell one decked out in leather pants like some San Francisco fruitcake – what’s THAT supposed to mean?

I just thank the Man Upstairs, for sending the great Mrs. Anger into my life. She doesn’t go in for all this crazy crap. Give her a couple of lottery tickets and a new hairnet and she’s just as happy.

Too much love – that’s the trouble with the world today. What true Americans need is a holiday where we give each other a new gun and a heart shaped box of ammo, so they can blast that stupid Cupid for target practice!