I’m madder than Al Sharpton with a busted bullhorn! I’ve heard about that affirmative action stuff but this is crazy!

It’s bad enough they gave the Teleprompter Kid one of those Peace Prizes for not doing anything. But now the South Koreans gave him a black belt in karate – even though he’s never had a lesson!

Jesse Jackson just said if you voted against socialist medicine, you couldn’t call yourself a black man, but I guess even if you don’t know karate, you can still call yourself a black belt!

The less Obama does, the more prizes he gets! He’s like one of the retarded kids at the Special Olympics or something. Hey, he did say his bowling was better than theirs, right? That’s something to brag about.

I’m surprised nobody complained about him getting a “black” belt cuz that’s prejudiced or something. Then again, it’s still early in the day. All the angry rappers are still sleeping off their champagne hangovers.

I can’t wait til Chuck Norris hears about this one! He’ll be pig fighting mad!  He had to kick a lot of cement blocks and Chinese guys’ heads to get where he is today, and O-Bow-Ma comes along and gets a black belt for nothing.

Does this mean the Communist-in-Chief is gonna go after Osama and give him a karate chop? Ha! Don’t bet on it!

Bruce Lee must be turning over in his grave or tomb or whatever those slant-eyed people have instead.

Everybody knows Hillary Clinton wears the pants in that crazy family, but now she could go to jail for it!

Today I saw on the computer machine that it’s illegal for Frenchwomen to wear pants in public!  I guess that’s where that rhyme came from: “I see Paris, I see France, I see ladies underpants”!

I thought at first this had something to do with all the crazy A-rabs who live in France now and are always setting cars on fire and stuff.

Everybody knows they want all ladies to wear garbage bags.

But no: it is some old law that’s still on the books. Any lady who wears pants in Paris can go to jail!

Does that mean that they’d arrest Hillary Clinton if she went there? And if that’s true, then how fast can we get her on a plane? They got rid of that Concord, right?

And how can we get a law like that over here, except this time for tube tops on fat ladies? Or just “no fat ladies” altogether?!

Anyhow, we can send Hillary to France, and they can send us their First Lady or whatever they call her over there. Now that’s one hot mama! Why can’t our First Ladies look like that instead of linebackers in drag?

I don’t know why we just can’t elect that Carrie Prefab First Lady for life! Show me in the Constitution where you can’t have boob implants in the White House!

I’m madder than a geisha in a tanning bed!

So now the Teleprompter Kid is going around bowing to our old enemies!

I know the Japs go in for all that bowing stuff, but the Communist-in-Chief is (allegedly) an American. AND the President, God help us! He’s not supposed to prostate himself to some foreigner king – especially not the offspring of that bug-eyed freak we had to nuke TWICE to get his mind right.

It’s like I always say: we didn’t nuke the Japs near enough. They’re still half-crazy, with their nutty game shows and used underwear vending machines. These people eat raw meat with sticks, people! They watch naked fat guys jump around in jock straps! Does that sound civilized to you?

I don’t care about that peace treaty we signed with ‘em – I still hate the Japs!

OK, so maybe O-Bow-Ma kissed the Saudi King’s ring because they’ve got all that oil, but what do the Japs have that we need? Will they cut off our supply of comic books and Godzilla movies?

O-Bow-Ma can’t be bothered saluting the flag or saying the Pledge, but he bends over to the slant-eyed sun king, and some camel driver in a turban?

We don’t have a President – we’ve got one of those plastic water drinking bird toys with the little hat.

The Teleprompter Kid spends more time bent over than a Hanoi hooker!

My fellow Americans: will we survive until 2012? I don’t think my old ticker can last that long!

I’m pig-biting mad! All my favorite right wing sweeties are getting picked on!

I don’t want my true love, Michelle Malkin, to get jealous or anything – but I’m fed up with everybody going after Miss California AND Sarah Palin this week!

I was hoping when Carrie Prefab went on Larry King, her sheer beauty would give the old coot a big fat heart attack so we could finally get him off our televisions for good. Not that anyone could ever tell if he was dead or not.

No such luck. Instead, the two of them got in a fight and she stomped off the show.

The weird part was: I couldn’t tell the difference between when she WAS on the show and when she wasn’t anymore! And neither could Larry!! She’s a pretty girl, but she needs a brain implant to go with her boobs.

On the other hand, Sarah Palin’s no dummy, but I was scared when she went on Oprah. What if Oprah got hungry half way through the program? Our Sarah could end up a being a Palin Burger!

I hear Sarah got away ok, but everybody’s still making fun of her for writing a book. They think it will be just beauty tips and parent advice and moose gutting how-tos, but that’s crazy! I may even read it myself and I haven’t picked up a book my wife bought me the last Jeff Foxworthy one and we stuck it in the spare bathroom for when people come over.

Anyhow: lay off the right wing babes or you’ll have to answer to Ed Anger and his shotgun!

Today is Veteran’s Day, when we take a minute between 50% off mattress sales and Hitler Channel marathons to remember all the brave men who fought for America!

Your old friend Ed Anger is one of those vets. I fought on Pork Chop Hill, to keep half of Korean un-Communist first and anti-American later, like we did with the rest of the world!

I got frostbite and ate bad food so that the most boring of all the slanty-eyed countries could stay boring and eat cats and buy lots of weird plastic toys or whatever they do over there.

And what thanks do we get, America? None! All the people we fought still hate us. And all the people we saved hate us too! That, or we owe them all money.

All we have are each other, my fellow Americans – and I’m not too sure about maybe half of us.

So was it all worth it? When I see the Communist-in-Chief in the White House, turning the Rose Garden into a marijuana farm for his unicorn, I’m not too sure.

What was the point of shooting and beating up all those hippies and Black Panthers if we were just gonna turn around and give them government jobs?

Sometimes I wonder, America. But as long as there’s a little air left in my rusty old oxygen tank, your friend Ed will be here, fighting the good fight!

So we’re getting closer all the time to getting that DMV health care! The first bunch of jackasses voted for it, and now its up to the other gang of crooks to decide.

Would you let the guys on Death Row figure out what to do with your money?  Well, that’s what you’re getting when you let a few hundred cheaters and liars and losers run the rest of your life!

The only difference between Ted Kennedy and Charles Manson was an orange jumpsuit. Hell, that Manson didn’t even KILL anybody!

Speaking of jail: all those crooks get free dentists and free doctors already, and they don’t have to pay taxes either. They even give them free kidneys and stuff, right before they electrocute ‘em!

I say we all stop paying our taxes, go to jail and THEN get free health care. Then it really will be “free,” even if we aren’t!

You’re all happy cuz you think you’re getting “free” medicine! Remember the last “free” thing you got? That extra Ginsu knife? The broken plastic toy in the cereal box? That Christmas cake from your cousin you’re still using to prop open the window? Think about it!

You old folks in particular better watch it. The Communist-in-Chief will trick you all into getting on a bus to go to the “casino” – but you’ll never come back! He wants to steal your liver and give it to Mexicans so they’ll vote for him!

Mark my words: the Teleprompter Kid will pull the pull the plug on you, faster than you can say “bingo”!

During that Watergate thing, they used to say “follow the money.” Now it’s more like “follow the ambulance!”

A few days back, that great patriotic American Glenn Beck had to go off the air, supposedly because he got sick.

But don’t be naive: this is all part of the Teleprompter Kid’s plot against Fox News!

Don’t believe the hype about his appendix attacking him! That’s what they WANT you to believe. It is a well-known fact that the CIA is working on ways to give diseases to people it doesn’t like: Castro, the Ayatollah, Jane Fonda.

A secret agent put something fishy in Glenn’s M&Ms and now we see the results! Don’t be naive, people!

The Communist in Chief is mad because Glenn made fun of him for saying that doctors just want to cut off your legs for money! Obama wants Beck to turn around and say government medicine is good after all!  But we all know Glenn would rather give up bacon cheeseburgers than betray his loyal followers.

My fellow Americans: the time has come to forget looking for Obama’s birth certificate and track down Glenn Beck’s X-rays instead. They hold the key to this botched assassination mystery!

The Teleprompter Kid wants to take out the talk show guys one by one.

Next thing you know, Rush Limbaugh will suddenly get tonsillitis and Sean Hannity will have a hernia. Unless you want to see Mark Levin come down with gallstones, we must act now against this evil Obama conspiracy!

So the Commies lost two out of three big votes last night!

The one in New Jersey wasn’t that big a deal. Who the hell couldn’t beat that homely, hairy, drunk driving millionaire governor, even in that Mafia-run, union thug swamp hole?

I like the new fat guy they picked, but they’re gonna have to make the doors of the mansion wider so he can fit through.

I hear he’s already put Pizza Hut on speed dial on the governor’s phone!

The Commies lost big in Virginia too. Bad news is, we didn’t win in New York, probably because it was a choice between a fat lady named Scuzzophobia and Mr. Peepers.

Scuzzophobia looks like Tony Soprano’s lesbian sister, and nobody wanted to look at THAT for the next four years! So they got rid of her and put in some other guy, and being New York, they voted for the Commie!

So the Teleprompter Kid just pouted alone all night, feeding marijuana to his unicorns out in the Rose Garden, while his wife took their kids to see one of those slutty teenage “singers.” Wow, that sets a great example! Maybe next time they can all go to Jerry Springer.

Turns out the Communist-in-Chief isn’t so special after all. Real Americans are already sick of him. They thought they were getting Sidney Poitier but he turned out to be Urkel!

Now all the Teleprompter Kid’s old friends are gonna treat him like he’s got the pig flu!

Look out, Commies! Us tea partiers are coming to get you! Just wait until next year. We’re gonna tar and feather all of you, and stick a pitchfork in you when you’re done!

I feel as crazy as a bedbug in a cat house!

Some days it just doesn’t pay for old Ed Anger to get up out of his Sleep Number Bed, grab an instant coffee and switch on the computer machine.

How can so many crazy things be going on in this world? I see Mrs. Teleprompter wore leopard skin for Halloween – which is NOT racist! – but her husband went as a skeleton, from the looks of him!

That fancy pizza he gets flown over to the White House must be sprinkled with All Bran!

The headlines at the Sludge Report just get worse. Seems the ChiComs had to use fake snow to make it look like winter. Heck, they should of just invited Al Gore to visit Chinkland – everywhere Mr. Global Warming goes, it snows!

Meanwhile, we’re sending atomic monkeys into space. Haven’t these pinhead scientist ever watched the late show? Now we’re gonna be crushed by giant apes in no time! This is where my tax dollars go to: giving glow-in-the-dark chimps a free trip to the moon!

My ulcer can’t take all this craziness!

Speaking of crazy, they say some Hollywood big shot is making a new movie about that guy all the A-rabs pray to. I’m old enough to remember the last time they made a picture about Momar or whatever his name is: they didn’t show the big guy’s face and so forth, but a bunch of A-rabs blew up the guy who made the movie anyhow.

Now if only that fatso Michael Moore was the guy making the movie – maybe they could kill two tons of flab with one stoning!

Man, this week just keeps getting better and better.  By which I mean worse and worse!

Man-dates, Droopy Dog and now Halloween.  Don’t even get me started on Halloween!  I hate Halloween!

Why do I hate Halloween?  I’ll tell you!

Oh great, you got me started!

All those trolls with their disgusting make-up caked all over their ugly faces ringing my door bell all night?  No thank you!  And that’s just the mothers!  Who aren’t even wearing costumes!

Why should I be expected to give candy or my hard earned pennies to the fat demon offspring of people in the neighborhood who I make a very concerted effort to ignore the other 364 days of the year?

These kids are fat enough, riled up enough, ugly enough without Halloween encouraging them along.

Is there anything more irresponsible than Halloween?  Maybe the Communist-in-Chief wants to give the little fatties a candy bailout instead.  Why should they have to walk around the neighborhood to beg for candy?  We can have socialized Halloween with the government delivering bails of candy right to our doors!

I don’t even want to know what he’s going to dress up as on Halloween.

Probably Karl Marx or Chairman Mao!  Oh wait, he acts like them every day!

You know what I think?  I’ll tell you!

I bet Halloween was created by the government in the first place to fatten us up, slow us down, and make us sicker!  And you know why?

I’ll tell you!

So they can overcharge us for government run health care that’s why!  Well I’m on to ‘em.  And now you are too!

And by the end of tomorrow everyone who comes to my door will be too!  I’m going to hand out my pamphlet, “Ed Anger Says: I’ll Tell You! Ed Anger’s Guide to The Government is Trying to Make You Fat and Unhealthy To Sell You Over-Priced Health Care!”

So long as none of these little monsters comes to my door dressed as Droopy Dog, then all they’re getting is the hose!