With unemployment rates about to hit the highest numbers since the Great Depression, Americans are leaving in droves to find work in one of the few places still hiring: China.

Chinese industry is one of the few in the world that hasn’t slowed down.  The worlds demand for cheaply made crap is still on the rise, and shows no sign of slowing.  Day and night their factories work away, fueled by coal and immigrants seeking a better life.  Inside the air is thick with tar fumes and hope.

American families who lost their jobs and their homes are finding new lives in Shanghai and Beijing.  Midwestern housewives are getting jobs putting lead in children’s toys.  For hours on end they slave away in factories so they can send money back home, so their children can buy the same toys.  Laid off auto workers are finding opportunities doing hazardous labor considered too dangerous to risk damaging expensive machines with.

China is starting to retaliate against the dramatic influx of Americans.  Store owners are putting signs in shop windows “No Americans Need Apply.”  Citizens in some areas are concerned of their own culture being overrun.  The Chinese government has had to intervene, imposing limits on how many Americans are allowed to enter the country per day.  Still every day thousands more arrive desperate for whatever work is available.  Some checkpoints have been nearly overrun by riots, which the government insists did not happen.  Still the Americans wait outside of the Great Wall, most because they don’t know there are other places to enter the country.

As more and more Americans pack up their belongings and leave for China, entire cities are turned into ghost towns.  It is rumored that entire state of Michigan is completely empty, however no one has bothered to check.

JUNEAU, AK – Sources inside the Alaska State Legislature confirm today that Governor Sarah Palin’s earmark pet project, the “Bridge to Nowhere” was partially funded by Alien Investors.

While construction of the bridge was halted after Governor Palin famously told Congress, “Thanks but no thanks!” a lesser-known “Road to Nowhere” was built using funds from a Martian investment-banking firm.

The “Road to Nowhere” in fact leads to a delicious, yet invisible to human eyes, Alien-franchised Quizno’s.

Quizno’s spokesman Alan Bremble told reporters, “We are proud to serve interplanetary travelers. There is nothing better to satisfy your hunger after traveling 100 million miles than a delicious oven-toasted sub.”

Experts have long debated why an alien race would engineer the technology for interplanetary travel. Some said it would be for universe-wide domination, enslavement of the human race, resource gathering, or to simply expand their knowledge of the universe. It seems we now know that these experts are wrong.

Bremble explains, “Nowhere in the universe can you get a better sub than Quizno’s”

Reached for comment, Governor Palin told Weekly World News, “Of course we want to build a strong relationship with the aliens. If they can travel through space, don’t ya think they’d be good allies against Russia… Not that we’re planning anything!” she laughed.