BATON ROUGE, LA – After their crushing defeat in November the Republican Party was left with no clear leader. Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal hopes to fill the power vacuum, and has entered talks with Satan to do just that.

SPRINGFIELD, IL – In a move widely seen as political pandering, the Governor of Illinois announced an unusual choice for Obama’s seat in the Senate.

CHICAGO, IL – President-Elect Barack Obama has gone a step further in diversifying his transition team.

Obatma rejoices over Clinton’s nomination for Secretary of State position: the Bureau of Mutant Affairs is his!

WASHINGTON, DC – Phd Ape had more work to do after the Alaska Senate race finally ended yesterday.

CHICAGO, IL – President-Elect Obama’s Transition team announced today that the First Family to be has made a very important decision.

SMITHDALE, VA – Since their defeat on Election Day, Republicans have questioned what will be the new direction of their party.

BREAKING NEWS: The National Enquirer is now backing Weekly World News’ story about Cindy McCain’s affair, but they’ve got the wrong guy!

STAMFORD, CT – In the midst of helping John McCain grieve, PhD Ape took a red-eye flight Monday night to be with Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman.

PHOENIX, AZ – The Alien is in remorse over his first ever incorrect presidential endorsement.