PARIS – For the second time, People Magazine awarded Johnny Depp with the coveted title. Weekly World News followed Mr. Depp for a day in the life of the world’s sexiest man.

CHICAGO, IL – Sarah Paliln did an interview with Oprah yesterday. The two buried their hatchet and had “girl time” until the early hours of the morning.

WASHINGTON, DC – Congress has begun a full scale federal inquiry into the Carrie Prejean sex tape.

NEW YORK, NY – Jon Gosselin and Levi Johnston agree to be photographed nude together. The Vatican confirms this could signal the end of times.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Rumors are circulating that Carrie Prejean made a sex tape. Prejean claims it wasn’t her, but a clone created to discredit her!

NEW YORK, NY – News has broken that Alex Rodriguez has a portrait of himself as a centaur above his bed. After being ridiculed over this in the media, Rodriguez wants to set the record straight.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Octomom Nadya Suleman and Jon Gosselin have agreed to be in a reality show where they would date each other.

LOS ANGELES, CA – After 35 years as a member of America’s most influential cult, Crash director Paul Haggis is leaving Scientology over their support of Prop 8 in California.

NEW YORK, NY – Rosie O’Donnell may split from her spouse of 5 years. world renowned therapist PhD Ape runs to the rescue.

NEW YORK, NY – Elisabeth Hasselbeck accidentally sent out baby photos with her nipple exposed. The GOP has revoked her membership over the incident.