PASADENA, CA – eHarmony has once again come under serious scrutiny. Critics of the popular dating site allege that the site does not allow for humans to be paired up with aliens.

GROOM LAKE, NV – Mega-celeb Oprah Winfrey has been in discussions with top government officials in an attempt to purchase Area 51.

CHICAGO, IL – Shocking both the hip-hop and the political worlds, Kanye West and John McCain announced that they have developed a joint clothing line.

PASS CHRISTIAN, MS – In last night’s debate, both presidential nominees Barack Obama and John McCain repeated a story about a “Joe Plumber”. Weekly World News researchers scoured the nation for this elusive American.

WASHINGTON, DC – Senator John McCain took a few hours out of his busy campaign schedule to attend the annual basketball game that reunites “The Keating Five.”

CHICAGO, IL – The University of Illinois at Chicago announced this morning that they have offered OJ Simpson an adjunct professorship in its prestigious Drama department.

Steve Fossett’s airplane and personal items were discovered in Inyo National Forest, California a year after the millionaire adventurer went missing. But there was no sign of a body in the wreckage. Then officials got the call from the captain of a merchant vessel…

After the stress of finalizing the bailout plan for the nation’s distressed financial institutions, the U.S. Senate took a break and awarded John McCain an honorary Miss Congeniality Award.

BURBANK, CA – The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) issued fines to NBC and producers of “The Office” for injecting subliminal messages into the show.

Bruce Wayne has deep pockets and Batboy knows it. In an attempt to extort money from the wealthy playboy, folk hero Batboy filed a paternity suit in early May of this year.