Europeans have come up with the perfect way to keep their citizens in shape!

Guests in the “Standing Hat” room at Cottage Lodge in the village of Brockenhurst, Great Britain can now keep fit, watch their favorite programmes, and do their bit for the environment using the novel device.

This special free edition contains out of the world stories about aliens, UFOs, an unusual tattoo parlor, the strange takeout of a Chinese restaurant and a new donut from Dunkin’ Donuts.

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The Spanish edition is also available - gratis!

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Don’t miss the 10 ways to tell if your neighbor is an extraterrestrial. Could come in handy when the mothership arrives or if you see a bright flash of light. Download now before some guy in a black suit erases your brain memory.  It’s free.

“They ordered 30 quarts of Clams and Loofa Soup, 20 Fried Wontons, 50 orders of Fishy in Scallion Sauce, and a carton of white rice,” said Diamond Garden employee Joy Luk.

“Then they asked us to deliver it to Lunar Base Beta on the Moon’s far side, apartment number 20000023. I assumed it was someone playing a joke and hung up.”

However, a half hour later there was a deafening noise in the parking lot be- hind the restaurant. Luk went outside to investigate and got the surprise of her life. “A small spaceship landed in the parking
lot, flattening some garbage cans and my Camry,” said Luk. “The door slid open and a small alien with large oval eyes emerged.”

The extraterrestrial apologized for the unusual phone call, and the dam- age, and explained that he was part of a Martian settlement on our Moon. His people had sampled Chinese food while visiting Earth and brought back leftovers, which had run out. Fortunately, they had a menu and wanted us to deliver.

“I explained to the Martian that we couldn’t deliver to the moon, that Earth didn’t have the technology,” said Luk. “Besides, we couldn’t afford to have one of our delivery people away for so long.”

The Martian had a simple solution: He offered Luk a mini spacecraft to make the deliveries.
“He said the two-ion driver was easy to fly and would make the round trip in under an hour,” Luk said. “He also said we could use the ship for our other deliveries the rest of the time. I agreed to his terms.”

When asked why she didn’t simply open a restaurant on the moon, she re- plied, “I wouldn’t run a place with no atmosphere.”

WWN requested a follow-up story, but Luk was unavailable for comment. Owner Wu claimed to “not know what we were talking about,” and to “please not come here anymore.”

Dramatic photos of the creature being hustled into a safe house before it was moved to a secret location in the nation’s capital showed it to be tall and lanky with a large, bulb-shaped head.

Sources further revealed that the alien spoke English both forward and backward. And for a time it cooperated fully with agents who made a priority of trying to find out its reasons for coming to Earth as well as the technology that got it here.

“This is the moment we’ve been waiting for since the U.S government first began investigating UFOs in the 1940’s,” the UFO investigator, who got the pictures and broke the story, told The Weekly World News at the time of the creature’s capture.

“The government has lied to us before about UFOs and space aliens but this time there will be no lies,” he continued. “This time we’ve got photographic proof that the creature is in custody.”

An agency spokesmen denied the UFO expert’s allegations and actually threatened to “neutralize” a NEWS correspondent who pressed for details.

But the researcher himself, who requested anonymity to avoid reprisals, claimed to have no less than 12 highly-placed intelligence sources who can back up his story.

He went on the say: “On the morning of September 29 I got a tip that agents had captured the alien while investigating a UFO landing in western Virginia’s mountains the night before.

The dramatic photos above recorded the historic capture of a space alien by federal agents.

The creature is shown as it was being hustled into a safe house.

“My source told me that the craft had come and gone by the time agents arrived. But a sweep of the area produced a single extraterrestrial who was hiding in a clump of bushes some 75 yards from the landing site. The source also told me that the alien would choice. I ran to my car and got be taken to a safe house for questioning later that day. When the agents and the extraterrestrial arrived, I was hiding in an alley across the street with my camera and nine rolls of film.

“The pictures I got show that the alien was handcuffed. And when the agents escorted him out of the safe house 45 minutes later, one of them has his coat off and in the photos you can see a gun on his belt.

“I wanted to follow them in my car but one of the agents spotted me and pointed at my camera.  When that happened I had not choice.  I ran to my car and got the hell out of there.  I had to protect the film.”

Sources later told him that the alien was moved at least six times as agents tried to keep its capture secret but just three weeks later the creature kicked down the door to a holding cell, “incapacitated” 11 guards and escaped, prompting the UFO researcher to say:

“This is a tragedy of the first magnitude. We may never get a chance to question an extraterrestrial again.”

Weekly World News has interviewed dozens of experts and conducted exhaustive research to bring you this list of the top ten ways to recognize aliens in our midst.

ENGLAND – A character shrouded in mystery has finally had his identity revealed!

The Stig has become one of the most popular TV characters in Britain. As the always-anonymous test driver on the television “Top Gear,” his identity has long been a closely guarded secret. His opaque visor on his famous helmet has been his trademark and was as much as anyone knew about him. That has all changed.

On Wednesday, lawyers said the BBC had been refused an injunction blocking the publication of a book revealing the identity of the character. The Stig is a mystery no more!

“Shortly after, publishers HarperCollins said in a statement that a 33-year-old racing driver named Ben Collins “has a great story to tell about his seven years as The Stig, which will appeal to a wide audience beyond just motoring enthusiasts.”

Calling it a “victory for freedom of speech,” HarperCollins said the book will be published in Britain on Sept. 16.

The show has a long-standing policy of not commenting on The Stig’s identity. A “Top Gear” spokeswoman said no decision has been made on whether the character will be back when the show returns.

“Top Gear” is one of BBC’s most successful programs, and is seen in more than 100 countries around the world. Alongside the show’s three garrulous hosts, The Stig is an always-silent presence, fearlessly navigating the show’s test tracks in glamorous cars.

You would think that after such mystery, good old Ben would be a little more intimidating. He should probably keep the helmet on.

CHICAGO, IL – Another UFO sighting has fueled speculation that we are not alone!

A UFO sighting from 2007 has been re-ignited to top new today. The sighting took place at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport and has been mired in controversy – as is the case with any UFO sighting. Whether real or not is debatable – but two items are helping the incident draw renewed news interest today.

An unedited pre-interview discussion of the sighting from 2007 has surfaced. The conversation is between Jon Hilkevitch (the Chicago Tribune transportation reporter who reported the Chicago UFO story) and Jim Wagner, a news anchor with CLTV, a 24 hour news channel in Oak Brook, Illinois.

The other item is the release of Leslie Kean’s book “UFOS: Generals, Pilots and Government Officials Go On the Record.” According to Kean, the Chicago O’Hare incident was addressed by officials, as have countless other UFO sightings around the world in the last half century.

More details on both are below.

NEW YORK, NY – Researchers, theorists and scientists are buzzing over a new discovery in our galaxy!

Our galaxy is one giant puzzle that may never be put together. New stars are always popping up and new developments are always happening that throw scientists for a loop. A new discovery has changed the game – so to speak – when it comes to stellar evolution and the birth of black holes.

A neutron star with an incredible magnetic field has astonished astronomers, who reported on their findings Wednesday. The “magnetar” lies in a cluster of stars known as Westerlund 1, located 16,000 light years away in the constellation of Ara, the Altar. Westerlund 1, discovered in 1961 by a Swedish astronomer, is a favored observation site in stellar physics.

It is one of the biggest cluster of superstars in the Milky Way, comprising hundreds of very massive stars, some shining with a brilliance of almost a million Suns and some two thousand times the Sun’s diameter.

Within Westerlund 1 is the remains of one of galaxy’s few magnetars – a particular kind of neutron star, formed from the explosion of a supernova, that can exert a magnetic field a million, billion times stronger than Earth’s. The Westerlund star which eventually became the magnetar must have been at least 40 times the mass of the Sun, according to the study, which appears in the research journal Astronomy and Astrophysics.

NEW YORK, NY – The irony of this story is through the roof!

English professors are usually walking beacons of perfect grammar and the human incarnation of a dictionary/thesaurus. They may be incredibly book smart, but they have common sense when it comes to placing a food order. They know – as we do – that you order what you want, not what you don’t want. Well, according to Starbucks, they don’t know proper food ordering etiquette.

Lynne Rosenthal, an English professor, was ejected from an Upper West side Starbucks by cops for refusing to order according to the coffee chain’s rules, according to the New York Post.

Rosenthal, who holds a PhD from Columbia, told the paper she asked for a toasted multigrain bagel at the Starbucks on 86th Street and Columbus Avenue – she lost her cool when the attendant behind the counter asker her if she wanted butter or cheese on top.

“I just wanted a multigrain bagel,” Rosenthal told the Post, “I refused to say ‘without butter or cheese.’ When you go to Burger King, you don’t have to list the six things you don’t want.”

“Linguistically, it’s stupid, and I’m a stickler for correct English.”

Rosenthal, whose grudge against the coffee chain also extends to refusing to order by the trademark “tall” and “vent” sizes, next began yelling at the employee to hand over her plain bagel, until the manager finally called the police, according to the Post.

Starbucks employees said Rosenthal incited the face-off by throwing profanities at the individual.

“She called the barista an a-hole,” one employee told the newspaper.

Let this be a lesson to all, swallow your grammatical pride when entering a Starbucks. You have to order by sizes that are in a different language and you might have to abide the chain’s rules that linguistically have no business being rules. Despite it all, you must go in, keep your eye on the prize, and you might leave the coffee chain without a police escort.

NEW YORK, NY – One individual is cashing in on his 15 minutes of fame!

When it comes to quitting jobs, nobody does it better than Steven Slater. Slater has become an instant sensation thanks to his recent mental breakdown. The former JetBlue flight attendant yelled at passengers, grabbed a beer and went down the plane’s emergency chute – opting to go with creative interpretation as apposed to the standard resignation letter when it came to quitting his job. It looks like Slater’s theatrics are paying off.

According to TMZ, Slater is in talks to get his own reality TV show. The premise – which is sheer genius – is to help miserable employees quit their jobs in style. If this goes through, millions are going to hate themselves for not cashing in on this idea earlier.

Citing “well-placed industry sources,” the gossip site claims that reality TV production company Stone Entertainment has offered Slater the chance to star in his own inspirational show, showing unhappy workers how to go out with a bang.

Stone Entertainment’s credentials include past reality shows such as “The Mole,” “NYC Prep,” “Top Design,” and “Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style.”

TURKEY – According to one airline, some flight attendants were carrying too much baggage!

Society and Hollywood has done a great job of depicting flight attendants as attractive, fit, sexy individuals. The truth is that flight attendants are just regular individuals with their own sets of problems – like weight issues. Well, if Turkish Airlines has its way – and it seems like they have – weight issues should be addressed, immediately.

Turkish Airlines has suspended 28 flight attendants for carrying a few too many extra LBS. The employees have been giving six months to lose the weight, Reuters reports, or else find themselves at new assignments.

“Weight and height are important factors at all airlines,” the airline said in a statement published by Turkish newspaper Haber Turk daily. “These criteria are important both in terms of appearance and the ability to move about.”

The employees, 13 of whom are women, were suspended without pay until they can prove they have dropped the extra baggage. Izzet Levi, one of the grounded employees, told the newspaper he has been ordered to loss 22 pounds to hit a weight of 211 if he wants to keep his job.

The airlines says that each of the employees was previously warned to get in better shape.

This has the potential to be the making of a great TV show – or just an average TV show. With the fitness and health craze sweeping the globe, someone should be jumping at the opportunity to get all of these 28 flight attendants and enter them into some sort of “Flight Attendant Baggage Claim” challenge – you know some TV network would pick up the idea.