I’m madder than a penguin on Miami Beach over all the mealy-mouthed politicians whining about the economy and not doing anything about it.

Let’s face it, folks.  We are in the Second Great Depression. And guess who got us hardworking, penny-saving, honest Joes into this mess?  The same cigar-chomping fat cats in Washington who are running around like chicken with their heads cut off blaming everyone but themselves.

They’re all back-stabbing morons.

Who let Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac collapse the housing market?  Who let bloodsuckers on Wall Street steal us blind without even one of them going to jail?   And why are we still in such horrible shape after four years of this?  I’ll tell you why.  It’s  because we have a bunch of no-good,  greedy politicians who keep flying private jets, voting themselves big  raises every other month so they can live high on the hog in Washington while the rest of the country suffers – that’s who!

If anybody can squeeze blood out of a turnip, it’s our boozing, big-spending congressmen and senators who eat caviar while us little guys struggle to feed our families and pay for gas in our cars.  And our President?  Don’t me started on that Marxist America-hater!

Yours truly is mad as and hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.  My great-uncle J.B. Potter, who struggled through the first Great Depression in the 1930s, has a great idea to help America get back on its feet again. Here it is:  Publicly horsewhip every politician in Washington, shoot every  lawyer in the country and make it a capital crime to buy ANYTHING that isn’t made in America.

In other words, traitors who buy anything from China should fry in the chair, by Jiminy! Hey, I know these are pretty tough measure, but if we’re going to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, we’re going to have to kick some butt.

And I figure China’s a good place to start. I never bought anything those noodle-eaters have shipped over here to America, anyway. But a lot of good-hearted, patriotic Americans have been hoodwinked for years into paying good money for the junk these rice ball racketeers peddle.   Well, it’s high time Americans stop making those Mao lovers rich and only buy stuff made in the good old U.S. of A!

And if I were President Obama, I’d go one step further. I’d make the Chinese buy only American too, for five years, just to make up for robbing us blind – or we’ll bomb ‘em back to the Stone Age where they came from.

Now get out there and… Buy American!

I’m madder than a Irishman without cabbage in his pants about Americans celebrating St. Patrick’s Day!

I still hate the Irish!

Why do we let these red-headed, ruddy-faced, potato-eating Paddy-lovers take over our city streets every March 17th?!   These Blarney-tards get wasted, wear plaid skirts with no underwear and swing shillelaghs every other day of the year – why do they need another day to hop around in bowler hats.

And they don’t need a parade to direct them to the nearest bar.  They can find a pub on their own – it’s usually where they live.

Everybody knows the Irish are some of the dumbest people on earth – they don’t even know you can use your arms when you dance!  They think staring at a four-leafed shamrock is a better way to get money then actually having a job.  The Irish are so lazy even Mexicans won’t pick them up for day labor.

Even Mayor Bloomberg hates St. Patrick’s Day.  He recently said St. Patrick’s Day honors Irish-Americans who like to get “totally inebriated and hang out the window waving little Irish flags.”  Hizzoner is right!  And he’s short enough to be Irish!

Yeah, yeah… they’re good storytellers, but that’s because they lie about everything.  That’s why they have so many freckles.  Every time they lie they get a new one.

The Irish believe in leprechauns and pots of gold and fairies.  Should we really be encouraging these people to drink?  Bono is so drunk, he never even remembers to take off his sunglasses.  Stack him on top of Colin Farrell and they’re still a foot shorter than the average American.

Oh Danny Boy, please  save me from hearing an Irishman sing on St. Patrick’s Day!   The Pipes are calling you… back to Ireland.  Leave my American ears alone, kiss MY Blarney stone!

So folks, boycott St. Patrick’s Day!  Don’t wear green.  Don’t say “kiss me, I’m Irish” even though you’re a Puerto-Rican-Jew.  Don’t let them pour green dye into your beer.  And don’t stand anywhere near an Irishman unless you like urine and vomit!

Erin Go Away!  End St. Patrick’s Day!

It’s Valentine’s Day again, and I’m madder than Cupid with a dirty diaper!

Valentine’s Day is the stupidest holiday of the year.  There’s no big juicy deep fried turkey or liquored up egg nog  – just pink, pink, pink! The whole world looks like an explosion at a Paris cathouse.

The gifts men are supposed to give are crazy. Why do you want to give your wife chocolate? Isn’t she already fat enough? Then you’re supposed to give her sexy red underwear, so you’ll be able to see how much fatter she’s gotten! Does anybody else think this is plum loco?

What about perfume? Are you saying your wife stank before? If she did, why would you want to hang on to her?

And flowers! Did you know that flowers are really the naughty parts of plants? Congratulations, mister: you just sent a dozen you-know-whats to your honey! Plus flowers die after a few days. Why don’t women want something that lasts forever, like a good hacksaw?

The new thing are those mail order teddy bears in stupid outfits. They sell one decked out in leather pants like some San Francisco fruitcake – what’s THAT supposed to mean?

I just thank the Man Upstairs, for sending the great Mrs. Anger into my life. She doesn’t go in for all this crazy crap. Give her a couple of lottery tickets and a new hairnet and she’s just as happy.

Too much love – that’s the trouble with the world today. What true Americans need is a holiday where we give each other a new gun and a heart shaped box of ammo, so they can blast that stupid Cupid for target practice!

I’m madder than a Chinaman in a driver’s ed class about China taking over the world, because they’re not  going to take this Yankee to the cleaners.

Get real, folks!  China has been bailing out everyone since 2008 and they own just about all of United States of America.  I, for one, don’t like it one red bit!  The Chinese are good for getting barbecue sauce out of my pants crotch, and that’s about it.

We don’t need them over here taking away our forks!

I’m sick of buying things that say “Made In China.” I want all Americans to start buying things that say “Made in Ohio” or “Made in Texas”  or “Made in Bayonne.”   We don’t need to buy any more junk from China that usually falls apart within a week.  Either that or they poison our children with that paint they put on everything.

And we definitely don’t need any more fortune cookies!   My lucky number isn’t 8!

Those Chinese leaders think they’re pulling a fast one over the U.S.  Well, the Teleprompter Kid better wake up and give the Chinese a chop-chop to their wontons!

Those Chinese loan sharks think we’re a bunch of pansy pandas over here, but if they try to step on ol’ Ed Anger’s lawn they’re going to get a blast of dragon fire from my mouth.

Let’s face it, folks, we have to stop buying things made in China!  They don’t play fair, so we shouldn’t play fair.  Most of their stuff is made by five-year-old kids chained to tables, who are only fed monkey brains once a day.

Then they come to the fruited plains and insult Uncle Sam!  The Chinese went to the White House and had that piano player, Lang Lang, play an anti-American song.  I’d like to give Lang Lang a little Bang Bang, send him back to the rickshaw he was born in.

I’m sick of China!!!

I’m calling on all red-blooded Americans to throw their Chinese made products into the nearest American dumpster.  2011 is the Chinese Year of the Rabbit.  I’m hereby changing it to the Year of the Eagle – the American Eagle.

So throw out all your Chinese goods!   Order pizza instead!

Confucius says:  Listen to Ed Anger.   “He knows which way the egg rolls!”

Time was, Earth Day was just for dirty crazy hippies. You could stay away from it if you just figured out where the bad smell was coming from, then went the other way.

But now Earth Day is run by big corporations and politicians and millionaires, who want you to buy their soap that doesn’t clean stuff at twice the price, and those curly light bulbs with the poison inside them.

If I want a toilet that doesn’t flush, I’ll go back to using an outhouse – and that’s not gonna happen!

Why do the same people who want to fix the environment want to hand out free condoms at the same time – isn’t rubber bad for Planet Earth? I guess it’s ok because rubber comes from trees. They like everything “natural” – unless it’s tobacco!

I can’t keep track of all this crap. Especially the thing about passing laws against cow farts. You know what’s coming? A law against breathing! These jerks love the Earth – it’s people they hate. They say we’re overpopulated, so why don’t they kill themselves. Then we’d all be happy!

I don’t see the point of saving the polar bears anyhow. They don’t do cute tricks like seals do. If we could train them to kill terrorists or patrol the border, that would be something useful, but otherwise they just lay around getting their pictures taken.

This Earth Day, the closest I want to get to nature is the pine tree air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror of my big old truck!

I’m madder than John Thompson after Georgetown lost to VCU, about Obama’s March Meekness!

The Teleprompter Kid is in Rio on Spring Break while the world is falling apart!  He’s spending more time watching the NCAA Tournament and dancing the samba then his is trying to help Japan, save the economy or keep us out of another useless war.

He’s the Moron-In-Chief!

He spends most of his day staring into a mirror, singing “Hail to the Chief” to himself.   He thinks “make a decision” means “go golfing.”   My bladder gets weak every time he speaks.

Since when did the United States of America let the head of France take the lead on anything?!!  The French are supposed to drink wine, eat cheese and smell bad.  They are NOT supposed to take the lead in any kind of military operation.

Obama is in so far over his head, he’d need a ladder to get to the bottom of Lake Stupid.  Harvard and Columbia are taking back his diplomas.  Kenyans are disowning him – they’re claiming he was born in Hawaii!

Obama’s ten-year-old daughter, Sasha, had to tell her father who Gaddafi was.  Obama thought he was a point guard for Duke.

Obama needs to resign – immediately!

The White House is a no-leader zone.  Obama needs to do a Nixon, so he can focus on golf, basketball and reading a book on how to grow a pair!

I’d rather have Charlie Sheen in the White House.  He’s got Tiger Blood.   Obama has Pussy Blood!

Hey, America.  Let’s start… “winning” again!

I’m madder than a leprechaun with a crooked shillelagh about St. Patrick’s Day!

St. Patrick’s Day is the stupidest holiday of the year, because the Irish are the craziest people on earth, next to the Paleostynians and those nutcase A-rabs. The Irish are basically just Mexicans who speak English.

Why are we having a big parade for a bunch of weirdos who pray to the Pope, believe in fairies and blow each other up?

I know my history, and this great country of ours was founded by Pilgrims and Puritans and other Protestants, not weirdo Catholics like the Irish. If it had been, the Statue of Liberty would be the Virgin Mary!

All the Irish do is get drunk and sing sad songs about dropping dead. Once a year, we let them march down the street, all boozed up on their disgusting warm brown beer. Then they stuff themselves with potatoes and cabbage and stink up the place!

Potato-eating, beer-puking Pope-lovers, that’s what they are!

What have the Irish ever done for America? They stuck us with those damn Kennedys, that’s what. Between their Old Man the crooked bootlegger, down to fat Teddy boy, that family is an embarrassment, not to mention a danger to public safety! Ralph Nader fellow should’ve left General Motors alone and gone after the Kennedys. Their cars should have warning labels instead of bumper stickers.

When St. Patrick’s Day rolls around, don’t get tricked by all the booze and the songs, my fellow Americans. It’s all part of an evil Jesuit plot to help the Vatican take over America! So stay away from all those crazy parades or you’ll end up praying to the wrong Jesus!

I’m madder than Jesse Jackson without a rhyming dictionary because these union thugs are making our states go broke!

It’s time to get rid of the unions!  We have got to 86 the AFL-CIO, send those union leaders back to the rat holes they climbed out of.

Now, Ed knows unions started for a good reason.

Ed’s grandfather joined a haberdasher union in New York City because they were making him work fifteen hour days in a shop that was never below a hundred and twenty degrees and they only let him go to the bathroom once a week and he had to eat his stale-cheese lunch in a dark basement next to the five-year-old children that were shoveling coal to power the steam presses.

But that was 1920!

Today the unions are getting over on the average citizen in America.  They got a scam that would make Madoff jealous!

Rank-and-file union members are driving fancy cars, getting million-dollar pensions, eating expensive French cheese served on fancy American crackers and wiping their asses with taxpayer dollars.

Union members get gold-plated healthcare, state-of-the-art gyms, hair transplants, breast implants, brain transplants – anything they want transplanted they get because the U.S. taxpayer has to bend over and let the unions have their way.

If a public service union member wants a sex change operation the American citizen will pay to have a penis pasted on or cut off.  That’s how crazy it has become!

These slimy, no-good, unions are causing all the states to go broke!

Ed says we take Norma Rae out back and beat her with a broom.

Ed says we dig up Jimmy Hoffa from Giants Stadium and smash his bones to smithereens with a union sledgehammer.

Ed says we get all the teamsters driving those big trucks that almost run me down on the highway, send them to China where they can make sneakers for twelve cents a hour and eat monkey brains for dinner.

I am tired of the unions robbing our states blind and holding the government hostage, while they sit in hot tubs with union hookers.

I’m tired of having to pay more for my healthcare while these union thugs get free healthcare for their extended families, including their pets!

I’m tired of teachers that can’t be fired even after they molest little boys and girls in their first grade classrooms.

I’m tired of the union label!

Who do these cheesehead teachers in Wisconsin think they’re fooling?!

They don’t care about the children, they only care about putting more gallons of Coca-Cola and supersized tubs of chocolate ice cream in the sub-zero refrigerators they keep in their McMansions.

They only care about getting more vacation days so they can go down to Cancun and drink margaritas with tax-payer dollars and buy more Mexican dope.  They want more sick days and more time off in the summer, so they can laugh at the rest of us as we go to work.

They want to get paid NOT to teach!

Ed says, it’s time for the nation to revolt!

Bust the unions!  Bust the unions! Bust the unions!

Ed Anger is leading the Bust the Union Revolution in America!

Are you with me?

Fill out the poll below, let’s see if you are a Union Whiner or a True American:

I finally figured out the whole point of that long stupid meeting the Teleprompter Kid had about health care!

It was nothing to do with getting them all to agree on how to turn hospitals into DMVs.

Nope, their plan was to bore half the country to death and give the other half heart attacks, so we’d all be dead anyhow and wouldn’t need doctors!

Boy, that Communist in Chief sure is touchy. A few times, I’m pretty sure I saw the computer parts in his head blowing a fuse!

The CIA must be kicking themselves for not buying better parts to build their Obama robot – where did they get them from? Toyota?

Yeah, I told you for years those Japs would get their revenge on us for nuking them, and it is finally happening. Those clever Japs have been putting crappy parts in those dinky cars they send us, so we’ll all die and they can take over America!

Toyota is working with Obama to kill us all! It’s all over the TV, people! How much more proof do you want?

Only your old pal Ed Anger has the guts to tell you what’s really happening to our once great nation!

I’ve been waiting for the government to come for me for fifty damn years, but I guess they don’t have the guts! I’ve got it all worked out: when the black helicopters land on my front yard, I just have to roll my oxygen tank down the driveway, then shoot it up with my handy double barrelled Mossberg!

Ka-boom!!

Old Ed doesn’t need any fancy private planes to get back at the Feds. No sir: give me a good old American shotgun – and let the bastards come to me!

Every year, all the right wing big shots get together in Washington, D.C. at that CPAC thing. And they never ever invite me to their shindig!

That’s no way to treat one of the pioneers of this whole movement, let alone a decorated veteran of Pork Chop Hill like yours truly!

Dammit, I was ranting against big government and commies and fluoride in the water when William F. Buckley was still on training skis.

But do they ever ask me to come to their big party and give a fancy speech, like they do Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck? NEVER!

If it wasn’t for me, none of those young whippersnappers would have their million dollar contracts and private jets and their faces on the cover of LIFE magazine!

I can’t be completely ticked off, though, because there was some good news this week: that “global warming” scam is falling apart faster than a Prius in the fast lane!

All those egghead scientists are quitting their jobs and admitting they made stuff up and the dog ate their homework and saying they want to kill themselves!

Here’s what we need to do: let’s get the Supreme Court to overturn the 2000 election, let Al Gore be President after all – then impeach him for his “global warming” crap that’s made us waste trillions of dollars!

I dare those Bilderburger Beltway boys in their hundred dollar suits at the big rightwing shindig to put THAT on the agenda! But no! They’re too busy drinking their highballs and chomping their cigars to do something REALLY radical!

That’s ok. Your old pal Ed Anger will still be fighting to save these great United States – all alone if I have to!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com