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Author Archives: Frank Lake
7-YEAR OLD SOLVES SECRET OF THE UNIVERSE
ELFORD, Texas – For eons, scientists and philosophers have tried to uncover the secret of the universe. Last week, Jimmy Gallagher, 7, learned what it was.
THE DRACULA FISH RETURNS!
LONDON – The Dracula Fish, who once attacked women in Eastern Europe, has returned!
GROUNDHOG EXECUTED
Punxsutawney Phil’s forecast for an early spring was as an epic failure. So, he was executed this morning.
NFL TO BECOME FLAG FOOTBALL LEAGUE
The NFL is changing its rules to outlaw tackling. It will now be a flag football league.
GOD PARTICLE FOUND IN NEW JERSEY
CAMDEN — Physicists confirmed that they have found the source of our universe – and it’s in New Jersey!
POPE BETTING SETS LAS VEGAS RECORD
Betting in Vegas has hit an all-time high with the coming selection of a new Pope.
HILLARY CLINTON TO JOIN “THE VIEW”
Hillary Clinton is joining “The View” – replacing Joy Behar!
DRONES TARGET RAND PAUL
Soon after Rand Paul ended his filibuster on drones, the White House ordered drones to follow the Kentucky Senator.
SEAN PENN TO REPLACE CHAVEZ
Hugo Chavez died last night. He had handpicked his successor – Sean Penn.
RIHANNA PREGNANT WITH CHRIS BROWN’S BABY
Sources say Rihanna is due to have Chris Brown’s baby in September of this year.
