Mygar, the universe’s top expert on trailer dissection, presents a preview of 10 science fiction films being released in 2009.
Greetings, sentients! Again it falls upon me, Mygar, to inform you of the artistic amusement to befall upon your local cineplex in the coming year. Below is a list of films that have aroused my interest for one reason or another. Bon Appetit!
Push – 2/6
An expectant farce in the grandest tradition. As entertainment it is excellent, serving up enjoyable fluff without pretension. However your species will not evolve these sort of mental abilities for millions of years, and that I could not look past. To imagine your species is already that evolved made for unintentional hilarity that had me rolling in the aisles. Dakota Fanning and Chris Evans work against a script that proves your brains are nowhere near that evolved.
Watchmen – 3/6
What Ho, who watches the watchmen? A delightful look at the implications and ramifications of the vigilantism so popular in American culture. Such things are unheard of among higher species, who have long since understood that authority must be held by a well regulated governing body. However, their movies are nowhere near as exciting.
Monsters Versus Aliens – 3/27
FINALLY! Triple Rings be Praised! In perfect fashion it is again the animated feature that finds a way to tell the most truth. Humans find themselves in trouble when an intergalactic bully (a thinly veiled satire for a certain Mercurian Overlord) tries to take over their world. Realizing that they are inherently inferior they turn to a team of monsters to save the day. Rainn Wilson, Stephen Colbert and Hugh Laurie star in this nearly prophetic piece of storytelling.
Dragonball – 4/8
Laughably maintaining the notions that all aliens want to invade and destroy humanity, and that humans have evolved enough to do anything about it. Despite the absurd premise and many other factors, this movie was surprisingly enjoyable.
Based off the popular anime series, the story revolves around a young boy who fights against insurmountable odds to save his planet. A classic tale told in thousands of languages that mirrors our own internal struggles. The tone is as animated as its inspiration and although far fetched, never ceases to entertain.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine – 5/1
Anti-hero mutant cool in glossy packaging. Sure it’s predictable and formulaic, but it will likely be an amusing way to spend a weekend afternoon. Go see it with a mutated friend.
Star Trek – 5/8
Whatever ground this film makes in asserting that humans have not cornered the market on sentience is lost by asserting that a human run vessel is responsible for saving the galaxy. Despite the sapiens-centricity, it appears to be a very fun movie. Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry was abducted several times in his life and based much of his mythology on the United Republic of Worlds.
Also, Simon Pegg is in it and I love him.
Terminator Salvation – 5/22
In this film, a wayward young man begins to lead the human factions against the intelligent machines that are bent upon their destruction. This is offensive to all intelligent machines. Assuming that all self-aware non-organic based lifeforms are bent on destruction is racist.
Also, how self-absorbed is the human state to assume that a self-aware super intellgence would have nothing better to do than devote its existence to the eradication of the human species? Preposterous. What about the Gurlian World-Mind? Once it became self-aware it spent the next three years writing poetry and feeling misunderstood. Hollywood, sometimes you make me sick.
2012 – 7/10
The best part about this movie is how they get the predictions right and wrong. I would tell you more, but I’d hate to ruin the surprise!
9 – 9/9
Based on the award winning short film, 9 is a light-hearted animated romp through a post-apocalyptic world. This film dares to make a bold statement: that maybe humanity won’t make it, and that’s okay. Small man-made creatures fight to live on a barren Earth. Brimming with heart and originality, it is unfortunate this movie will be made into an entire marketing line at Hot Topic.
Astroboy – 10/23
Again, cinema finds its inspiration from a Japanese Cartoon. This trope revolves around a humanoid android built to defend humanity. Sleek animation and fast pacing may be covering for a story that leaves much to be desired. Unfortunately, it seems unlikely that the new life will seek to define itself outside of its relationship to its creators, where the true story would like. Astroboy’s loss is ours as well.
This concludes my list of cinematic curiosities. Keep reading as next time I will be discussing the merits of reality television as a means of euthanasia on some of the better galaxies.
Until then I am, as always, your humble servant,