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ALIEN BUSINESS VENTURES ON EARTH REVEALED

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LOUISVILLE — Typically, the alien invasion is a thing of urgency and devastation. However, creatures from the tenth sector of Nebulon have taken a subtler approach to taking over the world. The contentious act of hydraulic fracturing, or “fracking,” is even more complex of an issue than previously thought.

From environmental destruction to theorized effects on human health, the process of fracturing rocks to release natural gas has garnered scorn from all corners of the Earth. But what many do not realize is that business tyrants on this planet aren’t the only ones they have to fear. An alien species known as “Plurvians” have their own investment in the practice, and though many see fracking’s harm to Earth as simply a by-product, one expert is maintaining that’s it’s all part of the
plan.

“Listen, they know we have nukes and bombs,” says Bradley McKinney, chief scientist at B.O.L.T.. Labs in Chicago. “We’ve caught up to many species in terms of how big of a boom we can make. The Plurvians aim
to get rid of humans one environmental disaster at a time. They’re investing in anti-green causes, and human moguls only care about being rich now, so they let them do whatever they want.”

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McKinney says that the plan is to eventually make the planet into a blank slate, allowing the species to move in without having to induce war. Plurvians do not require the same amount of oxygen as humans, and
push the Earth in the direction of uninhabitable for us and sufficient for them. McKinney hopes to at least stall the process by taking part in protests common on fracking sites.

“My fellow protesters things I just want this whole thing to stop to protect their own land,” McKinney said,” but I’m trying to protect the entire planet.”