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Middle East Aliens!


GHUL AL-RAS, Lebanon — “No one would’ve believed that beneath a Middle Eastern desert extraterrestrials were conducting a vast, worldwide surveillance operation,” Israeli Army Major Joseph Dov revealed to Weekly World News. “That is, until we found them!”

Dov had been engaged in a lengthy patrol near the Israel-Lebanon border last week when his unit came across strange ruins jutting from a large, bulging dune.

“We believed that militants were using the sector, launching raids from within a tunnel complex,” Major Dov said. “Our mission was to flush them out and seal the tunnels. As we neared, our point man saw an odd-looking, silvery metal glinting in the sun.”

Digging around what appeared to be a strange, triangular satellite dish, Major Dov’s patrol discovered a trapdoor beside it. Prying it open, the soldiers entered a dark shaft. Hand over hand, they climbed a series of rungs that descended to a small, dimly lit chamber.

“The air was thick as if it hadn’t been exposed to the outside in some time,” Major Dov said.

“Fearing a trap, we unshouldered our weapons and moved forward cautiously. At the end of a winding tunnel, we saw a pulsing red glow. We dropped to the dusty floor and began snaking forward. Beyond the computer monitors and banks of controls, I began to make out what appeared to be a massive triangular video screen. It didn’t look like the handiwork of any militants I’d ever encountered.

“And then I saw them,” Major Dov said. “Gray, bulbous-headed monstrosities with black inhuman eyes — just like I’ve seen in your paper!

“The ETs regarded me coldly. One slowly raised his long, slender fingers in the universal gesture of peace. Then he beckoned me toward the room. I reluctantly lowered my weapon and followed. I looked at the monitors. A kaleidoscope of intense images showed a grim tapestry of our world at war.

“Then the alien spoke,” Major Dov said. “It sounded like camel gibberish to my ears, yet I ‘heard’ him clearly in my mind.”

“We come from the planet you call Mars,” he said. “Traditionally, people of Earth have believed us to be warlike aggressors. The truth is we are pacifists by nature. Just ask our good friends the Venusians. That is why we remain hidden from your primitive space probe landers — and why we remain hidden here.

“We have been on your Earth for centuries, observing the human capacity for violence, hate and self-destruction,” the Martian told me. “Despite our advanced intellect, we have not yet found a cure for this curse you inflict on your world.”

“Our problems are very complex,” I said. “You shouldn’t judge us. ”

“I do not judge,” he interrupted. “I fear. Perhaps one day you will make war on the rest of the solar system. That is why we will continue to study this plague and try to find a cure.”

“And if not?” Major Dov asked.

“Then this Earth of yours will be quarantined, like germs in a petri dish.”

“The Martian told us that in two minutes the tunnel and its occupants would teleport to some other war zone,” Major Dov said. “We hustled out just as the sands began to shift wildly. The ground shook violently as if an earthquake was upon us! Moments later, the desert collapsed on tunnels that were no longer occupied by the Martians and their equipment.

“Naturally, I told my superiors what I had seen and heard,” Major Dov said. “No one believed me. HQ gave me a day’s leave to recover from delusions that were caused, they said, by the forced march. I never showed them the pictures I took. They’d only have said they were faked.

“Even if that were true, what the alien told me is also true,” Major Dov said. “It’s strange to be rooting for our long-time ‘enemies’ the Martians. But if they win, so do we!”