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MARTIANS ATTACK AFRICAN VILLAGE


HARARE, ZIMBABWE –   Martians attacked a prosperous South African village with rocks, plundered their gold and burned it to the ground!

“They came out of the sky like locusts, in five enormous spaceships,” recalled horrified George Gwangwa, one of only 60 people who escaped the devastated town of Zatlala without injury.

“The last rock rainstorm was biggest.  Then they landed their ships and stole our gold.  They even burned some of our buildings..”

It started six months ago when large Martian rocks (like below) were fired at this village in Zimbabwe.

NASA and Russian scientists took samples of the rocks.  They originally thought they were meteorites, but after they were examined they discovered that they were some kind of assault weapon made from Martian rock.

NASA, which is strapped for cash now that President Obama has essentially shut it down, has started selling the rocks to raise money.  NASA scientists are appalled and shocked that the government would sell the rocks, but they are already fetching big bucks because they are among the rarest things on Earth – rarer even than gold.  The average weight of the rock is 3 pounds, and the largest weighs 10 pounds.

“It’s Christmas in January,” said former NASA sciences chief Marco Stocco, director of the Florida Space Institute at the University of Central Florida. “It’s nice to have Mars sending samples to Earth, particularly when our pockets are too empty to go get them ourselves.”

WWN contacted. Dr. Sue Begley of the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials to discuss the rocks and see if they have anything to do with the ongoing alien invasion from Planet Gootan and Planet Zeeban.

“This seems to be an isolated six to nine month event.  We have no data that suggest the Martians are coming to our planet.  This seems to be a test firing of some sort – and the rocks just happened to hit that village in Africa.  We at the U.N. are confident that we won’t hear from the Martians again this year.”

The Russians are not happy with NASA selling the rocks.  “Typical Americans.  All they care about is money,” said  Russian cosmonaut, Yuri  Bengenov.

Before the incident, the idyllic village – too small to appear on most maps – was a peaceful town with only 2,110 year-round residents. Sitting on the bank of a tranquil river, it was home to several wealthy families, a boutique hotel and a bustling marketplace renowned for eye-catching gold items.

The major “attack” from the Martians occurred on January 2 at about 11:30am – that’s when all hell broke loose.  The Villagers first saw spaceships and then… a major flurry of rocks came down.

“First the saucers appeared, and everyone ran to watch them hover,” said Ugonna Gwangwa, Mayor of Zatlala. “Then the spaceships settled gently down and about two dozen tall, hairless creatures with black, inhuman eyes poured out.

“I watched from the bushes as the menacing invaders marched through the marketplace scooping up everything gold they could find – from statues to jewelry. Then they went up ramps to their ships. Three hours later there were even more rocks falling everywhere!”

As the Martian ships rose higher and higher, they continued to fire rocks at the town, said Gwangwa. “The town began to take on a reddish glow – and then several buildings burst into flames.”

The Martian ships then landed again and stole a big cache of gold from the town.  Then they left.  The town has been quiet for the last few days.  And women from the town have been celebrating:

The government of Zimbabwe is keeping a tight lid on the crisis, officially denying any Martian attacks have taken place, though they have confirmed the Martian rocks.  The international community is also covering up this event.

Dr. Begley said that this was not typical behavior of Martians. “I believe that this was a group of renegade Martians who were not acting on behalf of the planet.”

WWN is sending Garrett Hawley to Zimbabwe to look into the story further and will keep readers up-to-date.