TOOELE, NV – According to former Air Force engineer Scott Rasla, America’s latest warplane isn’t entirely of this earth.
“I worked for five years on the Nightstar Hypersonic Bomber project,” Rasla told Weekly World News, “and I can assure you that our military has copied every detail from extraterrestrials—right down to the third armrest on the pilot’s seat.
“I won’t even get into what the bathroom looks like,” Rasla said.
Air Force spokesman Colonel Douglas Snaud dismissed the design details as the latest in combat ergonomics.
“Commanding a high-altitude bombing raid is a stressful job,” Col. Snaud said. “We want our pilots to have a selection of comfortable armrests.”
But Colonel Snaud’s explanation leaves a few Nightstar mysteries untouched. “What about the cattle-shaped gunsight?” Rasla wondered. “Or the antimatter propulsion system?”
“Look,” Col. Snaud insisted. “These were created by terrestrial engineers for terrestrial pilots on terrestrial missions. To put it another way, the rumors of this plane’s alien origin are powered by the simplest propulsive source of all: a crank.”