Inebriated alien pilots found onboard!
HOUSTON, TX – Weekly World News has learned from a respected scientific source that survivors searching for wreckage stumbled across a UFO half buried in the beach on Galveston Island, a barrier island on the Texas Gulf coast.
Officials have desperately tried to hush up the staggering find, but WWN has managed to obtain top-secret photos of the craft, which measures 90 feet across.
The source tells WWN that the drowned corpses of two space alien astronauts were found in the saucer-shaped craft’s cockpit. What appeared to be unearthly beer bottles scattered on the floor suggested that the aliens had been flying inebriated.
The government, which has seized the UFO, has imposed a total news blackout, with officials refusing to confirm any aspect of the sensational story.
But scientific sources who believe the earthshaking discovery must be shared with the whole world leaked the news along with dazzling photographs to Dr. Wilton, who passed them on exclusively to Weekly World News.
“The creatures found in the cockpit are classic ‘gray aliens’ with bulbous heads, elongated limbs and two belly buttons,” says the scientist, well known for his balanced writings about the possibility of extraterrestrial life. “Clearly, they are not of this Earth.”
Experts aren’t sure how the craft ended up in the water and on the beach. Scientists suspect the UFO was flying low to avoid radar, when it was unexpectedly blown into the hurricane.
Initial findings indicate the aliens drowned. “The cockpit window had been breached and a preliminary autopsy found they had water in their lungs,” says Dr. Wilton.
Exceedingly high amounts of alcohol were found in their blood and, presumably, kidneys. “Frankly,” said Dr. Wilton, “ we have no idea what half of their body organs are…”
Other amazing discoveries reportedly found inside the saucer include: a McDonald’s Happy Meal, a collection of intergalactic microbrewery beer bottle caps and a DVR box holding two weeks’ worth of the new supernatural TV show, “Fringe”.
I have verified your alien crash report with NASA officials and they agree with your information. However, there is one missing detail which might spark a Republican party firestorm and a lost election:
The Sarah Palin holographic belly-dancing tape.
One NASA whistle-blower, who is bitter about NASA's employee benefit package no longer including free Viagra prescriptions, has confirmed that the two aliens were enjoying a three-dimensional video of governor Palin's sultry and hypnotic gyrations and undulations shortly before the UFO crash.
The Republican National Committee is working overtime to keep this revelation top secret. They are covering up the fact that Super-Sexy-Sarah was picked as John McCain's running mate for her intoxicating and persuasive powers over alien extraterrestrials. Now, Weekly World News readers can know the shocking truth:
Sarah Palin is the Cleopatra of the galactic universe.
So phony!!!!
I wonder if it is really a top secret experimental weather tracking device.
Lack of positive affirmation carries with it?