LOS ANGELES, CA — Bigfoot has joined the hundreds of famous celebrities who have left their footprints outside the renowned Grauman’s Chinese Theatre.
“The tracks appeared right before dawn, in unattended cement that had been prepared for vaudeville pioneer Art Sweeney,” said theater spokesman Ken Blavin.
However, some city leaders contend that Bigfoot himself was long overdue for immortalization at the theater.
“The creature has appeared in movies and television shows for more than thirty years, and his tactics for avoiding photographers have been widely emulated by film stars’ publicists,” said producer Benji DeLaurenta.
Nevertheless, theater managers want to remove the creature’s footprints at once.
“Bigfoot has been played by actors in films and is therefore ineligible for a place in the forecourt,” Blavin said. “Maybe he deserves a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame – but that’s not my department.”
Of greater concern to city officials is that Bigfoot now prowls the streets of Los Angeles, where the weird creature may prove even more difficult than usual to identify.
If you check with the LAPD, you might discover that a couple of transvestite "Lucy" impersonators were arrested for attempting to steal Bigfoot's footprints on Hollywood Boulevard. According to the two souvenir seekers, they were possessed by the spirits of Lucy and Ethel, which made their impulsive actions beyond their control. Now behind bars, the boulevard burglars claim to hear a "latin lover" type ghost screaming at them in spanish and banging on bongos.
Suspicious,
A cement preper who can see in the dark but overlooks an 8 foot tall primeval monster . . .