BIKINI BEACH, Fla. — Beach goers were startled last Sunday when a sonic boom erupted over this seaside community.
“I wiped out — big time,” seventeen-year-old surfer Carter Napier told Weekly World News. “The big boom was followed by a shooting star so bright you could see it in the daytime! It slammed into the waters off Crescent Cove, so I scrambled onto my board and dog-paddled around the rocks to see what it was.”
Bobbing in the waters was a strange, white object, about two feet high, cooling in a curtain of hissing steam.
“The thing had to have come from space! It must have gotten superheated coming through the Earth’s atmosphere,” Napier said. “I waited for it to stop sizzling and then towed it ashore on a large half-shell.”
Standing in the warm sands, Napier inspected the object.
“It was a sculpture of some sort of space babe,” he said. “Her beauty was like nothing I’d ever seen. Her big, opal eyes and pouty mouth were offset by a doe-like neck and full breasts — three of ’em! She was really hot in every sense of the word! The only drag was that her arms had burned off during her blazing trip earthward.”
Before Napier could cart the object off, authorities arrived and removed it to nearby Avalon University. There it was examined by renowned astrophysicist Bradley Zimmer.
“Spectrographic analysis suggests it originated from the Planet Venus,” Zimmer said. “The marble-like substance, known as mica-lodestone or ‘milo,’ contains the same proportions of minerals found in the surface of our sister world.
“Because of Venus’ thick cloud cover, we’ve never been able to ascertain exactly what the Venusians look like,” Zimmer went on. “Now we know. My guess is that this sculpture was lost by some alien art dealer while transporting goods to an off-planet gallery.”
Since that day, a bummed Napier has been spending a lot of time at the beach. “If I find any more alien art, I’m keeping it,” he said defiantly. “Can you imagine what I could get on eBay for a ‘Moona Lisa?’”