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MACHINES ATTACK RAY BRADBURY!


LOS ANGELES – Ray Bradbury attacked machines and now… machines are striking back!

In an interview with Susan King of the Los Angeles Times, Ray Bradbury, who turns 90 on August 22nd, expressed anger at the machines that dominate our modern lives.  Bradbury said, “We have too many cellphones.   We’ve got too many Internets. We have got to get rid of those machines. We have too many machines now!”

The native of Waukegan, Ill., is also annoyed when people describe his work as science fiction.  He said, “Fahrenheit 451″is the only sci-fi book in my body of work. And despite his passion for more national space projects, I am not technology obsessive.  Actually, I hate machines.  I can’t even look at my microwave oven without getting upset.”

Bradbury wrote about book burning in “Fahrenheit 451,” but now he’s talking about “machine burning.”  When asked about eBooks, Bradbury said, “I was approached three times during the last year by Internet companies wanting to put my books on an electronic reading device.  But, I’m not going to do it. I said to Yahoo, ‘Prick up your ears and go to hell.”  Bradbury then tossed a handful of Kindles into a flaming trash can.

That was it.  Machines could take no more from a man they used to admire.  “The internets are awakened,” said super-geek, Melvin Gibley of the California Institute of Technology’s Artificial Intelligence Lab.  “Machines are striking back.”

Bradbury now lives in the Los Feliz section of Los Angeles and according to local authorities, machines were seen gathering on Vermont Avenue.  “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Officer Angela Comito of the Los Angeles Police Department.  “There were a number of appliances that seemed to appear out of nowhere.  Refrigerators, alarm clocks, microwaves… we even saw a few vibrators in the crowd.”

“That was nothing compared to what happened later in the day,” said Los Angeles Police Chief Chris Rigaux, “There was a flash mob of iPhones, iPads, cellphones and GPS… it was incredible, it’s ws like they were alive.”   Some citizens said they even saw some rotary phones on the march.

The cops were trying to control the machines, but they were headed to Bradbury’s house.  WWN reporter Frank Lake got a text from a rogue BlackBerry.  The text read:  “We are going to take Bradbury out.  He went too far.  He disses us, we’re gonna take him offline for good.”

Bradbury is in his house, but all communication to him has been cut off.  “We even tried to use our bullhorns to call to him, but a dozen large smart ovens got in our way and hundreds of iPods played on speakers – drowning us out.”

WWN’s Frank Lake is embedded with an iPhone battalion stationed at the rear of Bradbury’s house.  He’ll provide updates.  It looks like the Attack of the Machines will take place on August 22nd.  Will Bradbury get out in time?

There is hope.  Martians may come to his rescue. They are still grateful to Bradbury for writing The Martian Chronicles.

There are still many Ray Bradbury lovers out there.  Of the human kind… Of the female kind: