You’ll never have to worry about being abducted by aliens again thanks to an astonishing new UFO detector… that shrieks and wails when a spaceship or extraterrestrial comes within 500 feet!
That’s the word from inventor Jacob Myers, who spent six years perfecting the gadget and now plans to sell Alien Alert, his flashlight-sized detector, for $29.95 with a money-back guarantee.
“I don’t want to scare anybody, but thousands of tragic men, women and children are abducted by aliens each and every year,” said the Baton Rouge-based expert.
“If you don’t want to be the next person to undergo grueling medical experiments on a starship or be forced into slavery on a distant planet, Alien Alert is for you.”
Stone introduced his UFO detector at a trade show in the Bahamas and hopes to have them in hardware and department stores nationwide by fall.
He refused to say exactly how the device works. But he conceded that it is extremely sensitive to radiation of all kinds.
“Alien Alert is powered by four rechargeable batteries, weighs less than 8 ounces and easily fits into a purse or pocket,” said Stone.
“You don’t have to aim it or anything like that. Just put it where you want it and turn it on.”
Not everybody is as excited about Alien Alert as the inventor. One UFO investigator flatly called the gadgets “overpriced toys. Even if they work – and I’m not at all convinced that they will – what good will it do?” he asked.
“By the time the detector begins to wail it’s already too late. What are you to do when a spaceship flies within 500 feet – run?”
Undaunted, Stone insists that his detectors will save lives. “Being forewarned is being forearmed,” he said.
“If you know that a UFO or alien is nearby you can try to get away or prepare to defend yourself – before it’s too late.”
When the detector goes on sale, Weekly World News will be the first to review it!
Yes you are so right, these abductees are tragic. Any mentally deranged person is tragic but whether this gadget will be able to help them is a different story!!
I've seen many movies about aliens including Close Encounters. Five hundred feet is less that two football fields!!. Is this fool trying to tell me that if an alien craft hoovers to a landing five hundred feet from me I wouldn't notice it without his gadget?? I think I'll save my 29.95 and let my "feet do their business". Thanks but no thanks".
But what if you are enslaved on a planet full of women with no men – do you really want this device?
Where can I get one?
I want to have one because I'm being followed by some not so nice demonic entities. I would love to use it in haunted locations and during magical rituals to dectect what comes around and where. This UFO Detector sounds like a lot of fun. I want to get abducted by aliens, it's the monster under my bed I fear most be taken by.
With the alien finder I can reject politicians when I find them. I hate them, and they hate me. Does it have a shield against dumb presidents?
I'll buy everything to prevent any alien probe is plugged in my body!
The UFO Detector shown above is actually the probe that is used quite often in abductions. As an alien myself I would know.
We have already developed a device to counteract your primitive contrivance. hahahaha
I hate to tell everyone, but this UFO detector is a bad bargain, and I think we can agree that every honest, hard working, and patriotic person loves bargains. As those above have stated, all alien craft can be seen once they are within 500 feet. This is most assuredly common knowledge, and any who don't agree with this laughably obvious statement should feel foolish knowing that their opinion is different then their peers, and would sound silly if they told someone so.
Also, this primitive device is prone to giving false warnings. Many things can set this device off, including televisions, dogs, particularly loud music and air conditioning. Obviously, if you like any of those things you shouldn't buy this product. And when something does set it off, which according to the law of averages is nearly 100% certain, your friends and neighbors will hear it, be awakened, distracted, or frightened of aliens, and will probably like you less.
So you shouldn't buy the Alien Alert. And if anyone you have influence over decides to, you should do your best to dissuade them. Best to take the hard earned money and spend it on some rockin' new CDs, a t-shirt with an amusing slogan or perhaps the indulgent chocolate reward you know you deserve, right?
RIGHT !!!!
Yes if there are only women on the alien planet you would most welcome this pen at night!
Sign me up Scotty. I have alien beings in my back yard almost every night looking for grub worms. Yes they feed off of grub worms but once those are gone then they go for our brains.
No wornder my wife keeps telling me I have half a brain!
Mcdonalds implants their french fries with encapsulated microscopic radio frequency modules so that when activated you go towards the spaceship to fly to another planet to be slaves. The aliens need slaves to mine their gold, it's what runs their spaceships.
All they needed to do was simply suck up Mr. T to get their gold!
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