BOSTON, MA – Bat Boy has been sighted at one of America’s most prestigious colleges!

What should have been a usual lecture in one of Harvard’s economics classes became so much more when America’s favorite little mutant showed up!

He was later spotted riding the John Harvard statue outside University Hall. Bat Boy has no respect!

Go to BatBoyLives.com for information on where you can find him!

The musical of Bat Boy’s life has landed at Harvard University!

Bat Boy the Musical will be playing at Harvard’s New College Theater on December 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, and 11.

Click through below to find out how to buy tickets!

]]> http://weeklyworldnews.com/mutants/13992/bat-boy-at-harvard/feed/ 1 Tap Vann bat_boy_at_harvard bat_boy_at_harvard_full http://weeklyworldnews.com/sports/7437/steroid-scandal-hits-golf-caddies/ http://weeklyworldnews.com/sports/7437/steroid-scandal-hits-golf-caddies/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 13:24:37 +0000 Shoeless Joe Jackson http://weeklyworldnews.com/?p=7437 ]]>

PALM BEACH, FL – On the eve of the season’s first major, another steroid scandal has rocked sports.  This time: golf.  But not the actual players on tour. This scandal involves someone close to them, their trustee sidekicks, their bagman – their caddies.

According to an unnamed website, as the Masters tees off from Augusta tomorrow, a golf insider/whistleblower has scheduled a presser to come forward with a list of names and evidence, that some of the sports’s biggest stars’ caddies, have juiced.

Could it be Tiger’s caddie Stevie?  Phil’s caddie Bones? Or any of the countless others we don¹t know the names of because they¹re (ahem) caddies?

Already the blowback has begun.  Said one tour professional, ŒIts not fair if one guy’s caddie is clean, and the other guy’s caddie is raking the trap with twice the muscle mass.  It makes a huge difference.

Added Dr. Bill Mitchell, professor of sports medicine at the Aruba Sports Medicine institute, “An average caddie wipes down his boss’ golf ball 72 times a tourney.  Think about the reduced recovery time of a caddie on performance enhancing drugs.  He could shave 2-3 seconds off his wash, over the course of a 4-day tournament.  That’s a time savings of, I may have said this, 2-3 seconds.”

Wow.

Is not sport sacred? Is nothing pure anymore, aside from Wrestling, Track, and Bodybuilding?   This reporter wants to know where it ends. If I can’t trust the guys throwing grass in the air on a fairway to gauge wind, I may have to stop following sports and become an WNBA fan.

For more comedyntary, check out http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (real guys holding sports accountable).

“Smart, playful and funny… a giggling cult hit.” NY Magazine

“Big laughs…It’s remarkable what intelligent wit can accomplish – a jaggedly imaginative mix of skewering humor and energetic glee.” NY Times

Do you want to see what everyone is raving about? Check out BatBoyMusical.com and see if the musical is playing in your area!

ARLINGTON, VA – Billionaire-on-the-run Allen Stanford has been located and taken into custody, all thanks to Bat Boy.

A prominent financier, Stanford was charged on Tuesday with massive ongoing fraud to the tune of $8 billion. Stanford attempted to flee the country, but was unable to leave unnoticed. He instead went into hiding at his girlfriend’s home in Virginia.

Little did he know how close he was to our young Bat Boy’s home cave in West Virginia. After his crusade to take down Bernie Madoff, it appears Bat Boy’s appetite for punishing white-collar criminals had not been sated. He followed Stanford’s scent to his hiding place and devised a plan to trap him.

Early Thursday morning, Stanford woke to the sound of screeching outside his window. He peered through the blinds to see a large pile of cash sitting in the middle of the lawn. After dashing out with a suitcase to steal the money, Stanford slipped on a mound of bat guano and became ensnared in a rope trap, leaving him hung from a tree by his ankles.

The FBI followed a path of arrows drawn in bright blue chalk from their headquarters to the captured criminal. The Bureau will neither confirm nor deny Bat Boy’s involvement, but could not explain the guano-smeared state of Stanford.

UPDATE: As Weekly World News previously revealed, Joaquin Phoenix decided to partner with Bat Boy in his new musical career. And now Joaquin’s friends are blaming his odd behavior on the little mutant!

The actor-now-rapper went on the Late Show with David Letterman, to disastrous results:

Close friends are now attributing Joaquin’s personality change to spending too much time with Bat Boy. An anonymous source stated, “Look, I love Joaquin like a brother. That’s why Bat Boy needs to be outed as the culprit and sent packing. This new lifestyle is no good for Joaquin.”

Some believe the problems started when the actor switched to Bat Boy’s diet of mosquitoes and Mountain Dew. The source continued, “Is that any way for a grown man to eat? That mosquito pulp is messing up his mind!”

NOVEMBER 10, 2008

LOS ANGELES, CA – After announcing his acting retirement to focus on his music, Joaquin Phoenix revealed that he will be partnering with Bat Boy!

At this morning’s press junket, Joaquin explained, “I think it’s just moving on. It’s discovering something else, something new and great. And I’ve discovered that in Bat Boy.”

When asked how he found Bat Boy, he answered, “A package arrived at my agent’s office for me, with the return address merely reading ‘CAVE’. I opened it up to find a CD case caked in bat guano. I mean, how avant garde is this kid?! The CD was just 80 minutes of shrieking and squealing. Real early Yoko Ono stuff. I had to have him.”

In regards to recent exploitation accusations, the band’s manager clarified that per Bat Boy’s request, he will be paid in jars of mosquitoes and sleep in the recording studio’s basement.

The Photoshop Bat Boy contest results are in. Check out the winners below!

Weekly World News and Freaking News fans have voted, and here are the three winners:

1st PLACE – Bat Man by Funkwood

2nd PLACE – Ventriloquism Batboyium by Preemiememe

3rd PLACE – Bat Girl’s Bondage by Preemiememe

Check out the other great 70+ entries here!

Thanks to FreakingNews.com for hosting this fun contest!

Freaking News is holding a Photoshop Bat Boy contest, and you can enter to win!

We are holding this contest together with our partner site FreakingNews.com. Together we are going to show the world that Bat Boy is an American hero and rules the world.

The winners of this contest will featured by us at the end of the week in a special article dedicated to this contest. Select contest images may also be printed in the Weekly World News tabloid.

The contest starts Monday and ends Wednesday night, voting will be held on Thursday. So head over to FreakingNews.com to Photoshop Bat Boy any way you wish. Some examples are: photoshopping celebrities and politicians as “Bat Boy”, showing Bat Boy at famous locations and events, Bat Boy in movies and paintings…

Bat Boys, Bat Boys, what’cha gonna do?

WASHINGTON, DC – Bat Boy and Obatma brought their usual mischief to President Obama’s inaugural celebration.

After being bumped from Beyonce’s performance, the pop singer took pity on Obatma, the President’s half bat half brother, and brought him as her date to the Neighborhood Inaugural Ball.  Obatma wore a Calvin Klein version of his standard black suit, which Michelle Obama helped him pick out.  While Beyonce prepared with the tech crew to sing at the event, Obatma played with Sasha and Maliya Obama.

Although security was extremely tight and tickets were incredibly hard to come by, Obatma managed to sneak in the country’s most loveable mutant, Bat Boy, who had endorsed Obama to sway the mutant American vote. According to eyewitnesses, the two climbed up into the rafters and hung by their feet in order to get a better view of the famous dance.

The boys spent the rest of the evening dropping down onto unsuspecting celebrities and running away giggling. Mariah Carey fainted, Sting jumped into his wife’s arms and Jamie Foxx wept hysterically. Obatma handed Foxx chocolate-covered mosquitoes to make amends, which the actor at first didn’t understand, then finally accepted.

The three were later spotted hiding in the lap of the Lincoln Memorial pelting passerbys with snowballs.

Bored at work? Skipping school? Click through to play a flash game with Bat Boy!

Click here to make your own game on Fyrebug.com