WASILLA, AK – Sarah Palin resigned as Governor of Alaska last week.  In a startling press conference, she has revealed her new mission: hunting Bigfoot.

Sarah Palin has officially resigned as Governor of Alaska, in a move she swears has nothing to do with an ongoing police investigation.  Residents of the state, in an outpouring of support, took to the streets waving signs saying “We Love You Sarah!” and pictures of bikini models with her face glued on.  Palin gave her last speech as Governor in her favorite bar; out of respect, hot wings were half off for the next hour.

Over the weekend Palin held the much anticipated press conference to announce her new project.  Inviting members of the press into her home yet again, she brought them into her previously unseen trophy room.  After several minutes of down-homey speaking and adorably incorrect grammar, she removed the sheet hanging behind her to reveal the mounted heads of a dozen sasquatches and several other cryptids.  “My new purpose in life” she said “is to bring the joy of hunting these elusive creatures to as many people as possible!”

In the official press packet delivered to media outlets, Palin’s plan was more clearly outlined.  She hopes to advocate the mass hunting of Bigfoot in America.  Starting in Alaska she will work to not only remove limits on hunting the endangered species, but encourage as many people as possible to do so.  “The existence of this so-called ‘Missing Link’ is a slap in the face to God, and the faith of real Americans.”

Palin has a history of hunting Bigfoot, as documented last year by Weekly World News.

Once done in Alaska, she hopes to move on to other states, encouraging the hunting of other animals whose existence calls to question a literal interpretation of the Bible.  Placed upon her wall were the heads of a dozen Sasquatches, several Chupacabra, the horn of a narwhal, and one Jersey Devil.

Heads of the Mutant Anti-Defamation League are up in arms over this move.  They believe that encouraging violence towards these creatures could easily lead to people hunting mutants as well.  Environmental groups are also furious at the ecological impact of intentionally hunting several rare species into extinction.

In response to questions raised by these groups, Palin simply shrugged and smiled, saying, “I just gotta be me!”

JUNEAU, AK – Sarah Palin has landed the cover of Portfolio’s April 2009 issue with a photo of her wearing a Bigfoot skin coat, and she is not pleased.

Joe McGinniss’ cover story, “Palin and Wildlife: The Cold Hard Truth”, focuses on her terrible track record when dealing with wildlife conservation. She has opposed strengthening protections for beluga whales and polar bears, and has encouraged the control of wolf populations through promoting bounties and aerial hunting.

But the most damning charges pertain to the treatment of Sasquatches in Alaska. As loyal Weekly World News readers may recall, Sarah Palin posed with a Bigfoot she shot dead from a helicopter.

Since then she has constantly battled with conservationists over placing them on the Endangered Species list. As a seemingly provocative move, Portfolio used a photo of Palin wearing a Bigfoot skin coat, possibly the skin of the creature she shot last year.

Palin spokesman Bill McAllister has already released a statement about the piece: “Show me one shred of truth for this accusation: ‘Palin has systematically targeted the Sasquatch population time and time again.’ Senator Palin’s first and foremost responsibility is to the citizens of Alaska. She must protect them and their livelihood from these creature.”

“If that means not bending over backwards for radical conversationists, then so be it. She is ready and willing to take on their criticism, when it is fair and factual.”

Ashley Judd, a recent foe of Palin, is already planning a new video with the World Cryptid Federation in order to bring Palin’s treatment of Sasquatches to light. Judd will shoot on location in Alaska, where she will be filmed handfeeding a pack of Sasquatches Twinkies to prove they are not dangerous.

What were the top five breaking political stories Weekly World News staff reported on this year?

#5. OBAMA NUDE

The shocking photo obtained by Weekly World News reporter Hideaki Tailor revealed that Obama revealed himself during his time at Harvard Law School.

#4. MCCAIN DELAYS DEBATE TO LENGTHEN LEGS

Senator McCain asked for one of the Presidential debates to be delayed so he could “focus on the economy”. But insiders told Weekly World News it was just a cover-up to hide his secret leg-lengthening surgery!

#3. OBATMA

At a shocking press conference, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama announced that he has a half-man half-bat half-brother: Obatma! Later in the campaign, Obatma secured Bat Boy’s endorsement for Obama, locking in the mutant vote.

#2. ALIEN SWITCHES ENDORSEMENT TO MCCAIN

In a shocking reversal, the Alien has switched his endorsement from Barack Obama to John McCain. Soon after, Senator McCain gladly accepted the endorsement during a speech at Roswell, New Mexico.

#1. PALIN BAGS A BIGFOOT

Records and eyewitnesses came to light that prior to announcing her candidacy for the Vice Presidency, Sarah Palin shot a Bigfoot from a helicopter. She was spotted carrying an infant in a camouflage Baby Bjorn.

The Anonymous group has once again hacked into Sarah Palin’s e-mail account and provided Weekly World News with the first look at her upcoming Christmas card!

Click through to get a FULL-SIZED version you can download and send to your friends!

Previously: Palin bags a Bigfoot

WASILLA, AK – Tina Fey, who has made headlines recently by impersonating Governor Sarah Palin, has gone so far as to lampoon her famous aerial shooting of a Bigfoot.

Cast and crew of the show Saturday Night Live flew out yesterday to Chugach National Park in Alaska to film a sketch for their special Thursday show.

After several passes pretending to fire an M240 machine gun at Andy Samberg in a costume, Fey and crew touched down in a helicopter mere yards from where Palin’s shooting took place.  While recreating Palin’s classic pose, complete with Fey carrying her own daughter in a Baby Bjorn, an actual Sasquatch came out from the tree line, apparently angered by Fey’s uncanny resemblance to the Alaska governor.

Production assistants and interns were ordered to stand in front of the massive primate and defend Tina Fey with their lives.

Thinking quickly the Emmy-winning comedienne grabbed a tranquilizer gun which had been brought in case of moose or bear problems and shot the rampaging creature, saving the lives of dozens.

Sources within NBC say the segment cannot be aired due to issues with the Federal Wildlife Commission; however leaked footage is beginning to circulate on the internet.

Andy Samberg, mauled to death in the incident, will be replaced by a shaggy haired monkey who will be dressed in ironic t-shirts and taught to smirk at the camera.

MARTINSVILLE, IL. – Bigfoot must be placed on Endangered Species List, and activists lay blame on Sarah Palin!

Wildlife photographer Brett Sullivan is attempting to protect the elusive beast from hardhearted humans – by persuading Congress to declare Bigfoot an endangered species.

“There are a lot of nuts out there who would shoot Bigfoot in a minute, just to show they could,” said the 66-year-old Martinsville nature lover and newspaperman.  “And Governor Palin has only encouraged them!”

This is in reference to the now infamous aerial shooting of a Bigfoot by Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin. The GOP celebrated it as just another example of her gumption, but both wildlife and mutant activists felt it was an irresponsible act.

Sullivan explained, “We now need to convince not only the government but all American citizens to give these creatures the same kind of protection we give other species on the verge of extinction.

“When Governor Palin is taking down Bigfoots left and right, wearing a designer baby bjorn and posing with the bodies for photo ops, it completely glorifies the horrific event. In my opinion, she is the leader in their ultimate demise and must be stopped!”

Officials in several Northwestern states have already enacted laws making it illegal to harm these gentle giants. But Sullivan says adopting legislation state by state is too slow, so he’s asking Congress to place Bigfoot on the nation’s Endangered Species List, alongside the spotted owl, the Florida panther and the Coho salmon.

“When you look into the eyes of one of these creatures and see how bright they are, and then look into Sarah Palin’s eyes, well… Frankly, there’s no competition,” he said. “I think I know which creature is more important for the future of this country, and it does not wear rimless glasses.”

WASILLA, AK – Records and eyewitnesses have come to light that prior to announcing her candidacy for the Vice Presidency; Sarah Palin shot a Bigfoot from a helicopter.

A government helicopter was seen flying low over the Chugach National Park with what witnesses described as “a sexy librarian shooting out the side.” Employees at a local bait shop report seeing a similar woman only hours before carrying an infant in a camouflage Baby Bjorn.

The Bigfoot, or Sasquatch as it is known in scientific circles, was found dead on the outskirts of the park, just south of Wasilla, Alaska.  Preliminary forensics reports confirm that an adult male Sasquatch was shot in the face with Palin’s trademark 5mm M4 Carbine Assault Rifle.

Environmental groups are in an uproar at the hunting death of a rare and notoriously reclusive species.  Efforts to have the Sasquatch placed on the endangered species list have met with repeated opposition from state legislature, since protecting the ‘Missing Link’ could be seen as validating evolution.

Conservatives have immediately rallied to their party’s new star, citing that gun ownership and hunting are indelible parts of American culture.  Indeed this point is hard to argue, as John Adams was notorious for having captured what he called a “Skunk Ape” and killing it with his bare hands on the White House lawn in front of a paying audience.